Home: A Bittersweet lullaby
by mrandmrsstabler
Summary: Struggling to recover from Lewis, Olivia is given the opportunity of a lifetime when she's offered guardianship over baby Noah. Eager to provide a better life for him, she finds herself relying on the help of old friends, not knowing that one of them just might be one of her enemies. And when things go bad, a relationship blooms with the man who volunteers to protect her.
1. Chapter 1

**OK YOU GUYS! For all the Langson fans out there, we have something new for you! (I can't believe I just said that) Co written with our dear friend katechoco, we've developed a whole new story to go along with SVU's great new season. After four miserable years, I am happy to say, 'I think they got their shit together'. SVU feels like a stronger show, and we could not wait to start experimenting with some of the characters and plot lines again. We've been collaborating with katechoco for months and I think we finally came up with something decent. Now first off, we need to talk about how SVU just stole our story. (I say this LOOSELY NOT LITERALLY) LIKE WTF. I swear on jesus ground, that the conversation between Liv and Trevor when she gets Noah at the end of season 15, ours. OURS. The whole idea of them. OURS. Oh the list! So in order to stay original...we had to change our plot. And our ship. Anyway, we wrote this purely for fun. It's pretty lax. Hope you enjoy! If you find yourself in particular high spirits, drop by kate's page and share the love. She would be thrilled to hear from you guys! Best!**

**JK. Rowling**

* * *

><p>It was a beautiful sunny morning. A rare day, Olivia thought as she walked down the street. It was fairly warm so she got away sporting a casual look, a pair of jeans and a white t-shirt, which was so much more comfortable than her suits and jackets. The streets were filled with people enjoying the day with their loved ones, laughter and light chatter came from everywhere. It was a good day.<p>

She made a turn and found herself at one of her favorite cafes, so she decided to go in for a cup of coffee. She stood in line for three painfully long minutes before she got to the counter.

"Hi yeah, can I get a coffee to go please- black." she said with a smile to the cashier.

"Coming right ahead ma'am," the young boy said.

She was about to hand him some cash when she heard it. She froze on the spot, her whole body went still, she even thought that she had stopped breathing.

"Every morning, every evening, ain't we got fun?"

The words echoed in her mind, playing again and again like a broken stereo.

"Ma'am? Your coffee" she heard the voice as if it was coming from very far away because in a sense, it was. For what seemed like a lifetime she was back in the backseat of Lewis's car.

"Every morning, every evening, ain't we got fun?"

She'd broken into a cold sweat, by the time she came out of the trance. The cashier was standing there with her coffee. Petrified that he had seen, or somehow known she'd dropped the money on the counter and without a word, she turned and left the café.

Outside, the wind was generous and the weather was ever welcoming but as she started walking down the street again, the voices weren't cheery anymore. They were loud and intrusive. People kept bumping on her, making her jump at every step.

"Now you say…"

"I wanna live, I'll do anything, anything!"

"Yes you will…."

"No" she mumbled. "No."

She started running, she had to get away, the crowds were making her crazy. What if he was there? But he couldn't, he was dead. Or wasn't he?

"He's still alive"

"How?"

"I don't know how."

People were yelling at her, annoyed as she was pushing them out of her way, but she just kept going, she kept running…

She closed the door of her apartment behind her panting completely out of breath.

"Good morning sunshine, I missed you."

She made her way to the kitchen and start rummaging through her cupboards. When her hands made contact with the bottle, she placed it quickly on the counter, pulling a glass out too. Without thinking it any second further, she unscrewed the bottle and poured a large amount of wine to the awaiting glass. She took a sip and let the liquid burn her throat.

His hands were roaming her body, squeezing painfully her breasts, his hot filthy mouth was on hers, kissing and biting and licking her face.

She took another sip, trying to control her breathing.

His hands travelled down on her belt and with quick moves unbuckled it. She felt his fingers touching her skin, the hem of her panties…

She downed the rest of the glass and filled it again.

* * *

><p>Her head throbbed. Her hands panned out on the carpet as she reached for the remote. Up. Up. Up. And louder the music came.<p>

"_Heeeeeyyy Babaaaay, I'm so tired of bein' alone, I'm so tired of on-my-own, won't you help me girl, just as soon as you caaaaaaaan,_" she slurred along with Al green, rolling on her back in a fit of laughter. It was a dreamy sound that made her moment all the more bittersweet.

She used to have dreams. Used to. She used to believe that the next day would be better, that happiness was around the corner, that a change was gonna come. Even after the months following Lewis's first attack, she tried, really tried to believe that, but was it really an option? Was happiness ever an option for her? Olivia pondered that question from the floor of her apartment, as she stared blankly up at her ceiling. It was just her luck, her pathetic, useless luck, that everything she wanted and everything that had the power to satisfy was just out of her reach.

Elliot. Children. A family. Or all three wrapped in one.

The thought was still so buried in the deepest, oldest corner of her ribs. And it hurt every time she breathed, every time she opened her eyes from a dark sleep. After Elliot left things were supposed to be different. She was supposed to be different and want different things. She tried to use his absence as an opportunity for a new beginning. And even after all the shit that had took place, she succeeded, at least, for a while.

"You know what's ironic about your little confession? That if I shot myself, they're not going to believe you now. They're going to assume, that you shot me in cold blood. Execution style."

But now, now… Nothing, not a single thing, would ever be the same, she thought and let out a throaty laugh. She tried to steady her trembling hands long enough to open another bottle of wine, lying across her living room.

She fell back and reached for the empty glass that had been refilled over and over again over the course of past few days. Repeatedly, she'd been trying to drown out the sound of the gun clicking as memories of her Russian Roulette game came back to play.

"Tic toc Olivia. Tic. Toc."

She took another sip of wine. Boom! Boom! Boom! Olivia groaned. Boom! Boom! Boom!

"Olivia! You in there? It's me." Cragen?

Disoriented, she gazed at the door, but it was so far away...She gave up opening before she even tried, opting instead for the picture of her and her mother that sat on the table beside the couch.

"Bet you'd love me now. I mean look at me, we're the same!" she slurred pointing her hand holding the glass towards the picture, spilling out half of its contents out on the floor.

She heard the door open. Close. Not fully processing the activity around her. Gulping down a generous sip, she stared at the photograph.

"You were right."

"Olivia?"

No response. "You were right."

Cragen sighed, taking in the embarrassment of her apartment. Beer cans, and wine bottles all over the place. Laundry hanging from one furniture piece to another. Dishes piled in the sink. The place was a mess.

"You were right..."

"Come on you. Let's get you cleaned up." Cragen hoisted her up over his shoulder, fully prepared for any amount of protest, but abundantly surprised when there was none.

Being carried through the apartment, her eyes fell on the window and the multicolored chaos that was Manhattan and lighted up the dark night sky.

"Mmm, is it night already?" she mumbled with a chuckle. "Oh! Maybe I should go out, have some fun… take me out for some fun daddy!" she started laughing, a loud hysterical laugh.

"No, no. You've had enough fun for one night Liv. It's time to clean up." Cragen spoke in a severely dead tone, aching terribly for the woman in his arms. The woman he emotionally adopted as his daughter. He blamed himself, mostly, that he let it get this far. In all her pain, and healing he felt that he'd let her down, especially if she'd resorted to this. Too many times she'd been there to catch his ass, and back it up for him to let her down.

She needed him now more than ever, beginning with this intervention. He placed her down in the bathtub and tried turning on some water, but the nozzle broke in his hand.

"Oops!" her laugh was throaty and raspy, for she hadn't used her voice in several days. "Houston," she tried to keep a straight face, "I think we have a problem!"

"I'm sorry kiddo. You're gonna have to settle for cold." The cold rush of water on her body made her shake in convulsions. She tried to get out of the tub, but Cragen held her down by her chest. It was not long before they were in a pretty hard fight. Olivia's arms went flailing as she tried to push and pull her way out of it, even going as far as pulling Cragen in the tub with her, but he held his ground until he realized she was crying. Her fighting had stopped. Her profane words of opposition stopped, and the silence was bone chilling.

The core of it was from the way she clung to his back, her head pressed against his chest, and if it weren't for the tall mirror on her bathroom door Cragen would never have saw her eyes sealed shut or her mouth hanging silently agape as she prepared herself for the worst.

"Liv?"

She shuddered in his arms, choking on her own misery. The sobs that overtook her body were so violent that they frightened him. It wasn't the volume of her sobs, or the extent of them, that bothered him. It was their depth. He hadn't heard a cry like that since his wife died. A true desperate cry for forgiveness, and repentance. The kind you burn out when you hit rock bottom, when you've got nothing left to lose, and the only place left to go is up- if you can climb.

He put his curiosity at rest, and instead, just this once left himself be vulnerable to her. Let her cry for everything. The life that she had, the life she would never had, the people that she loved but never loved her in return. He let her cry for every victim that she had come across and would never be the same, for her own self who was changed forever, or maybe who finally was what she always thought she would be.

"Please," she sobbed. "Please...please...I'm sorry...please" and on and on and on.

Until they began to shiver from the icy fog.

"How did you let it get this far?" He'd asked, sometime later. By now they were sitting with a cup of hot chocolate, wrapped up in a huge blanket by the fire.

"I guess it had always been there, waiting to happen. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree."

"Don't blame it on the genes Olivia, you know that's not you."

"Do I?" she shook her head and took another sip of the hot beverage.

"All it took was a few bottles of wine and a man, and suddenly my life is up in flames. A man who got into my head and scarred it, made it his, a man who will be with me till the day I die, whose eyes and touch and lips are still all over my body, every inch of it."

Her once warm chocolate orbs now were empty and haunted and the only fire that seemed to be there was the reflection of the flames coming from the fireplace.

"You're stronger than that Liv, you have to give yourself some credit" Cragen said softly.

"Does this seem like strong to you?" Olivia pointed at the still messy living room.

Cragen shrugged. "Everyone has their breaking point, Liv. What matters is that you take the steps to fix it. Life is for the living, sure we stumble along the way but the important thing is, is that we take the time to get on our feet again. You know that. Take care of yourself for once. You've done enough. You owe yourself a chance at a family, and a life out side of that precinct. Two things. I made you promise me two things when I made you sergeant. The first was that you not let it get in the way of you living your life, and the second was taking that you take the steps to live your life. You haven't done one yet."

Olivia was quiet. "I heard you found Baby Boys Doe's mother."

"Noah, his name is Noah."

"What did you find out?"

"She's uh...dead."

"You need to make a move here, Liv. You can't keep doing this. You can't keep doing this to yourself. It's not fair."

"Fair? When did any one ever get what was fair? When was the last time a perp got a fair sentence? When was the last time a child was treated fair- by a parent who loved them? When was the last time this whole system was fair?" Cragen looked at her. "Answer me." He wouldn't. "You can't can you?"

"That doesn't mean I know it hasn't been hard. But this- this is detrimental. You've got to stop. Elliot wouldn't want this for you."

"You have no idea what Elliot wanted."

"No one can undo that night, Liv."

"It was an accident."

I wasn't talking about Jenna." Olivia stared out into the flames. Their strange cackling noise was just about the only thing that kept her from exploding. She knew what night Don was referring to, and it was stupid to bring it up now. Looking back on the whole thing made the memory feel like it was a pilot to a suicide bomber. "Do you want this baby boy Olivia?" She lifted her gaze and looked him in the eyes and for the first time since he stepped into her apartment, he saw the old Olivia there, the one with the fight and will to live, to survive, to thrive.

"Yes. Yes I do," she said and it felt strange. Because, even though she had thought about it, she hadn't actually verbalized it, ever.

"Listen. I'll back you all the way on this, but you have got to get yourself together. No way they're going to let you keep that kid, if they think for a second that you're living like this- on top of everything else."

"It'll all be gone tomorrow."

He noticed that Olivia was playing with her necklace as they sat. It wasn't the one Elliot gave her so it was curious to him.

"Where did you get that?"

She sighed. "It was my mothers."

"It's beautiful."

She snorted. "Beautiful be damned." Cragen frowned at her explanation. "We're so much a like her and I."

"No, no. Don't go there Liv."

"It's true. Look at me. I'm an overworked, over aged, single, alcoholic. I can't even secure the future of my kid- would be kid, I'm haunted by my assailant...Face it Cap't. We're one in the same."

"Olivia-

"She'd be proud of me...I think. For making it this far"

"Then why am I the one that's disappointed? You're better than this, Liv. You may be your mother's daughter, but you're my detective, and I taught you better. You think I didn't go through hell when Jess died?" Jess. His wife. "I was in and out of rehab for almost ten years Liv. If you don't shake it now, and you continue to let it get to, it'll never get easy. Step in line. That baby needs you."

"I know." They sat together in silence again.

* * *

><p>"Given the nature of this court's case, in regards to Baby Boy Doe, the defendants Michael and Nicole Dilaurentis, are hereby unfit to carry out full custody of the child, by reason of inconclusive income and unreliable domestic resources. Case dismissed."<p>

Olivia let out the long drawn out breath that she'd been holding in and relaxed into the pew.

"Liv? My hand," Cragen pleaded.

"Oh. Sorry!" she whispered letting him go.

"Jesus, God Almi- are you sure you didn't play sports in high school?"

"What do you think's going to happen to him?" Olivia asked once they left the court room.

"He'll probably go back to the state, foster care..."

"Detective Benson?"

Olivia and Don stopped dead in their tracks and turned to the oncoming voice.

"Rita..." Olivia said blankly. Rita Calhoun, the woman who helped her with her case with Lewis. "What's going on?"

"Judge has requested your audience in chambers."

"Now?"

"Now."

"What's this about?" Olivia inquired, as Rita handed her a note.

"Not sure. She wouldn't say, but it seemed pretty urgent."

Olivia and Don exchanged glances. "You go. I'll be here when you get back."

Olivia followed Rita into chambers with heart palpitations. Her heart was an ongoing rhythm of stopping and starting again. An usual feeling, she realized, because she had nothing to fear or be nervous about. Why was this time so different? She'd expected a scolding of sorts, for showing up to each and every court hearing regarding the baby, when it was clear that she wasn't 'fit' to be a parent.

A handful of people really knew, but it still counted. Linden was one of them. She swallowed the hard knot in her throat, and sat in the seat.

"Benson," Linden, murmured as she entered the tight room. "This is the eighth time you've showed up in my court."

"I know, and I meant no disrespect to the justice system...I just...I want to make sure he's in good hands." Olivia said with a sigh.

"How about your hands then, detective?" Linden said without looking at her.

"Excuse me?" In each court session, a pain would shoot through her every time judge Linden would announce the placement of Noah in yet another foster home. And now this...?

"I've had a look at your file...the state ruled you unfit because you were a single, female in the justice system, living in a one bedroom apartment."

"Not a lot has changed," Olivia replied near choking on the threat of tears, but politely and weakly smiling no less.

"Are you interested in adopting this little boy detective?"

"I can't...I can't. I'm not qualified." Olivia said, stating the obvious in a disagreeable tone. Her heart was beating erratically. Disagreeable because she felt like she was more than capable of raising a child on her own. Plenty of working women did it, why couldn't she? And it worked out fine with Calvin...until she wanted too much too soon. She sighed deeply before leveling her view with Linden.

"Things change, sergeant. I'm over ruling your case, and in the mean time you'd had better get yourself a thick lawyer."

What? "What?"

"Someone's got to take care of him detective- unless of course. You've changed your mind?"

"No...No I haven't. I just...I don't understand."

"He's an infant. A baby boy, that no one seems to know where he came from or who he belongs to. With his mother dead, he's past the two month rule of state to claim, and without any medical records or background information most adoption agencies are unwilling to take him. We can keep shuffling him from one foster home to another, but I think I can speak for the both of us when I say that I've never seen a decent child come out of an unstable home environment in all my forty five years in the system. Then, there's the obvious why. Why put him through all that when there's a perfectly capable woman right here?"

Olivia was speechless. If her heart was beating fast before, now it was threatening to burst with every second that passed. Could this be it? Could she finally see her biggest dream come true?

"Why me?" She might as well have panted.

"Why not?" Linden said with an enigmatic smile

And just like that, she was removed from sight given orders from Linden's secretary about preparing some paperwork. Olivia emerged from the chambers a few moments later, antsy with anticipation.

"So, I need a lawyer." Olivia said as she took a sip of her coffee. She and Cragen had emerged at a diner nearby, after leaving the courthouse.

"Calhoun won't take it?" Cragen said as he put cream cheese on his bagel.

"Not her thing," Olivia replied.

"I have a suggestion but, you're not going to like it," he said, the curves of his mouth turning upwards. He bit into his bagel in an attempt to hide it.

Olivia looked at him puzzled."Who?"

"Trevor Langan."

Olivia choked on the coffee.

"WHAT?!" She managed to say between coughs. She was now convinced that the people she worked with were conspiring to kill her. First, there was Lewis's case, then Linden gave her the go to fight for Baby Boy Doe (not that that was bad, but she might as well of had a heart attack getting the news) and now this thing with Langan?! No. No. No. Hell no!

Cragen snorted.

"He's all over the wall street journal right now, Liv. He's a shark. Who else has the experience, the credentials and the success rate? You need that right now. So put aside the venom of the past and work with him."

Olivia exhaled deeply. "I don't trust him." Don sucked through his teeth. "He's a lawyer." Olivia argued.

Cragen looked at her squarely. "So were Casey and Alex."

"Casey and Alex were honest. They knew what justice was about. Not him. Not Langan."

"Well who the hell do you want then?"

"I want a family attorney! Not Langan! God knows what he'll do to win, and I don't want anything going against Noah and I. We don't need that. I want the cleanest slate out there. Langan is a slime and you know it. How many times has he butted heads with SVU? How many times has he got perps off scott free- no justice? No. I don't want him anywhere near my trial."

"Call him."

"No." A beat. "Why would he even take my case?" Olivia murmured with a frown.

"Because Trevor Langan is in Family court now."

"What?"

"Maybe somebody thought he was a slime, and he didn't like that very much so he changed." Olivia bit her lip. Hard. She still didn't like the idea. "Call him Liv."

* * *

><p>Olivia hated going into law firms. The sea of expensive perfumes and colognes, the light and flirtatious chatter the colleagues carried among themselves. It was the fact that everyone was so casual that made Olivia antsy. Everyone looked so confident, so sure of themselves, Olivia thought as she past them on her way to Trevor's office. Not that confidence was a bad thing in the work force. Confidence was great. But when you were over confident, like some lawyers were- like Trevor Langan is, your work ethic was automatically suspicious as far as Olivia was concerned.<p>

Trying to shake off the edge she took a deep breath and knocked Trevor's office door. A muffled "come in" was heard and she pushed the door open immediately. She knew that if she hesitated a moment longer, she might just turn around and leave.

"Detective Benson, to what do I owe the pleasure?" Langan said as he slowly lifted his face from the computer, with an amused smile on his face. He nodded to the chair in front of his office and Olivia sat down.

"It's sergeant now."

"Well then I guess congratulations are in order. It's about time you've received due credit. You're captain must be thrilled."

"Don't patronize me." Olivia glared.

"I wasn't." Olivia sighed and shifted in her chair. "What is it you want?" He asked finally, relieving the tension they couldn't help but create.

"I am here about a case," she said trying to keep her voice neutral. From the moment she stepped in, not even a minute ago she was restraining herself from rolling her eyes at his overconfident attitude and shit-eating grin.

"A case? I'm afraid you've come to the wrong office. In fact you came to the wrong floor. This floor is for family court cases only. I left criminal defense a while ago."

"I'm not here for SVU."

"Οh?" Langan sat back on his chair.

"I…" Now or never Olivia. "There's this little boy that I found a few months back during a case and no one's claimed him, so he's being bumped from foster home to foster home, and I want to adopt him."

"So let me get this straight. You're asking me. To help you adopt a child no one seems to want. So you can add a few photos to your desk at 1-6?"

"Look I don't need this," Olivia murmured, standing to her feet. "I'm sorry I wasted your time."

"Olivia wait-" she stopped mid turn. "I'm sorry. I should never have...I'm sorry. Please, sit down...it's just...been a really, really, long day." Trevor sighed apologetically. Olivia stared at him uneasily. "Sit." Hesitantly, she did. In truth, there were more than a dozen credible law firms in New York that she could run to. There were more than a dozen lawyers who would be happy to help her win her case, but she couldn't afford to just be helped. She needed assurance. An absolute guarantee that her case would be won without question. And Trevor had a talent for closing cases in exactly that manner.

It was really repulsive how he managed to bend and twist the judicial system to his liking, and it was even more repulsive how no one seemed to do anything about it, but then could you really blame a man for getting the job done? No. You couldn't. And even though, Olivia might have disagreed how he went about doing business, and though she hated how ridiculously ornate their relationship was, deep down inside she knew he was the only one she could trust.

Ironic really, considering she didn't actually trust him at all. "So just so we're on the same page- this is your case I'll be trying?"

"Yes," Olivia said softly.

"Do you have time for a demo? Or do you have somewhere to be?"

"I can demo."

"Tell me about this case that he was involved in."

"It was the Pearson case. Roger and Alexa Pearson. They were a dysfunctional couple, that got involved in human trafficking and child pornography. After a heavy interrogation with Alexa, my squad and I were able to locate the kids involved. They were being kept in a motel close by so we went in to get them. A few minutes after we arrived a girl came out and asked us to quiet down. She said that he was sleeping. At the time, I didn't know who he was, so I investigated further and found him- the baby, in a drawer...He was lying on a blanket, barely clothed-

"And you took it upon yourself to care for that child?" Trevor concluded.

"I took him to ACS."

"And what did they say?"

"Nothing. He was just another undocumented child. A few days later in court, we addressed that all of the children were accounted and provided for except for Baby Boy Doe."

"I don't understand. That doesn't make sense. The Pearson case got loads of coverage. I know exactly what you're referring to. How is it that child has yet to be adopted?"

"Multiple reasons. They checked hospital records and databases for all reports on missing children and no matches have been found. Some parents are scared that he might have special needs, while others have had a more than difficult time getting him to adjust."

"So he's in Child Services?"

"Legally, yes."

"How do you mean?"

"He's being shuffled from one house to the next. They can't seem to find a good home for him. And the ones that are half decent- I learned this morning, are being occupied by four plus children."

Trevor exhaled deeply, and relaxed into his chair. Even for him this was a little hard to believe. A perfectly healthy boy- infant baby boy, can't find a home? Well that's interesting, he thought.

"Who took care of him leading up to his trial?"

"Child services," Olivia replied.

"Only child services?" He inquired precisely.

Olivia's eyes wondered around the room. "I visited once or twice."

"You visited once or twice?" He paused. His face was very firm on hers. "And what did you do?"

"Held him. Changed his diaper. Fed him."

"Once or twice?" Trevor repeated. Olivia's eyes narrowed on him. What the hell was he getting at? "And how did he take to you?"

"He was fine."

"He didn't seem fidgety? Didn't fuss? All babies fuss."

"No."

Trevor nodded slowly. "You ever try to adopt?"

The air closed in, inside the room. "It's been a long time, but yes."

"How long?"

Olivia blinked away the stinging sensation in her eyes, shrugged her shoulders,"Few years."

"Like three or four?"

"Ten."

Trevor breathed in and then cleared his throat. He wasn't expecting that number. He frowned, as he jotted down a few notes. "How did that turn out for you?"

"They found that I was unfit…" Her voice died out on the last part. Her mouth was very dry. It still hurt to remember that.

"On what grounds?"

"I was single. I had life threatening commitments."

"Like you do now?"

"Yes," Olivia stared at the floor.

"You really want to adopt this baby?" he asked finally. She looked up at Langan who was staring at her in silence, his expression unreadable.

"Yes," she whispered, painfully.

"And you want me specifically to be your lawyer?" He asked and Olivia traced confusion in his voice but also a bit of a glow.

"Don't get over yourself Langan, I still think that you're an asshole, but you're good at your job. And I need someone with a guarantee." She said glaring at him and standing to leave.

"I usually charge seven hundred an hour," Olivia's eyes widened as she looked at him, "But I'm willing to do this one as favor." He grinned sardonically

"I can pay you," Olivia frowned anxiously.

"Not enough."

"You know what, I'm just going to make myself clear. I don't know what you do, or how you do it, and quite frankly I don't care-

"Because I'm no longer working in your department?"

"Because you're no longer working in my department." Olivia conferred. "But let's get something straight. This isn't cops and robbers anymore Trevor. This is my life. It might be my last chance at a family." She knew that she was revealing too much and everything inside her was screaming not to, with Langan of all people, but she had to, it was the only way to get what she wanted. "And if you screw it up I-

"I won't screw it up. I have an imagination too Olivia." He waited for her to argue, but she didn't. She just stood there, praying to God that he knew how serious she was. "I give you my word, I will handle the case with...integrity."

"Thank you." He looked at her and was a bit surprised by her raw confession. They stood in silence for some minutes, examining each other.

"I'll call you when I've prepared a case."

The color flushed back into Olivia's face. Langan also eased into their intimate setting. Was it appreciation that he detected on her face? Relief? Admiration? He couldn't tell, but whatever it was, he was comfortable with it. Come to think of it, he'd been comfortable the moment she stepped into his office. He hadn't a clue why, especially when he imagined her in a body bag for most of their professional careers.

She was taking a moment to compose herself when the phone on his desk rang. "It's my two a'clock."

Olivia nodded, getting the message that he needed her to leave. Now.

"Should I bring my notes to the station?" He asked as she gathered her things.

"No. I don't want anyone to know what I'm doing, in case things...fall through," Olivia admitted quietly, running a few fingers through her hair. "Just call me. I'll give you my address."

The phone continued to ring but Trevor didn't answer it. They stood there examining each other when he finally said, "You can trust me." Olivia couldn't believe that she was hearing correctly.

"But I don't have to."

And with that, she walked out without another word.

* * *

><p><strong>So what do you think?<strong>


	2. Chapter 2

**Reviews**

**sataistarzoya (FIRST!): **I like it cant wait for more

**THANK YOU! HERE'S MORE ;)**

**4evabenson:**choice keep this up im looking forward to the next bit

**THANKS FOR READING! HOPE WE DON'T DISAPPOINT :)**

**nickandliv: **nice first chapter. btw, Cragen's wife was Marge, not Jess but other than that, great start.

**I got to see you at Paley! So cool to see you in person, I think you saw me at one point but...Anyway wanted us to meet. Maybe next time. Thanks for reading. **

**guest: **This is by far the greatest fanfic I have ever read! Please please please update

**OH YOU'RE SO SWEET! THANK YOU! THIS UPDATE'S GOT YOUR NAME ON IT**

**guest: **GREAT STORY! I've been looking for another story to immerse myself in. I think I may have found the one. Please keep it coming.

**IMMERSE YOURSELF ;) THANKS FOR THE REVIEW**

**ihateamarorollins**: Great Is she gonna fall of the wagon

**MY LIPS ARE SEALED**

**aspurgeon**: Great first chapter. Looking forward to more.

**THANKS FOR COMING TO SUPPORT! HOPE YOU LIKE THE NEXT CHAPTER ;) MISS YOU! **

**southernbelle843**: I just had to click on this story. How could I not? The summary was on fleek, the cover was on fleek, and the authors are on fleek, and turns out everything is on fleek!

**THIS WAS MY FAVORITE REVIEW! I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT FLEEK MEANS, BUT IT SOUNDS AMAZING. I HAVE DECIDED TO MAKE IT THE HASHTAG OF THIS STORY. THANKS FOR READING! #FLEEK**

**OH I'M SO HAPPY TO HEAR THAT YOU GUYS LIKE THIS STORY! EVEN THOUGH IT'S NOTHING MAJOR OR ANYTHING, I'M THRILLED THAT YOU GUYS ARE HERE AND APART OF THIS PROJECT WITH US. I THINK I CAN SPEAK FOR BOTH US AND KATECHOCO WHEN I SAY THAT WE'RE SO GRATEFUL FOR OUR AUDIENCE! AND ALL THE FAMILIAR FACES! IT'S LIKE A LITTLE REUNION, I'VE MISSED YOU GUYS ALL SOOOOOO MUCH! THANKS FOR READING! CAN'T WAIT TO SURPRISE YOU GUYS WITH THE KILLER TWIST WE KNOCK YOU GUYS OUT WITH ;)**

* * *

><p>Later that night, Olivia sat comfortably on her couch at her now neatly cleaned apartment. She looked down at her cell and smiled. A picture of Noah was smiling up at her. She still hadn't fully contemplated the fact that in a few days, this little baby would come and live with her, for a year, with the possibility of permanently adopting him. A child. Hers. For ever. Her child, her little boy.<p>

A single tear fell down her face. Until yesterday everything seemed doomed, black and hopeless. But now, she knew that the next day would be better, brighter. She might have seen Lewis's dead body disappearing behind the heavy door at the morgue a month ago but today was the day she was truly moving on.

* * *

><p>She folded and unfolded the napkin in front of her nervously. She had come to their date early, an unusual thing actually, but work was slow, so the moment she was able to slip away, she did.<p>

She saw him appearing at the entrance of the restaurant.

"He's tall," Amanda whispered at her shoulder.

"Yeah, like that's a skillset"

"I'm going to go, before he comes. Good luck, I love you." Amanda winked and quickly scooted out of the way before he could notice.

It was maybe the first time since she had met him since all those years ago that she noticed exactly how tall and how… handsome?

The moment she thought this, she wanted to roll her eyes on herself but then she noticed that Trevor was now standing in front of their table and was proceeding to sit down across from her.

"Sorry I'm late" he commented

"You're not late, I'm early, slow day…"

"Those exist on SVU?"

She chuckled. "Occasionally…"

"Ok, so I took a look at the case…" He was down to business immediately. "Judge Linden took care of everything considering the details of you being a foster mother to Noah. So this shouldn't be a problem. But the adoption process is…slightly different"

"Tell me everything that I have to do…" Olivia said with a determined expression that made Trevor smile. At this moment, the waiter came and so they placed their orders. After that, Trevor looked again at Olivia, still smiling.

"For the moment, you just have to provide a stable home for Noah. It would be some months before you are able to file for a permanent adoption."

"So what I just…wait?" she shrugged.

"You wait… And you enjoy it."

Olivia smiled and sighed.

"Don't get your hopes to high. You've got a long ways off before any of it is solid, but for what is worth… you will be a great mother Olivia." Trevor said quietly, choosing not to look at her for that part. Olivia shook her head and smirked, looking at him straight in the eyes.

"What?"

"What's that?"

"What's what?"

"That look you keep giving me?"

"I'm not giving you any look?"

"Then why are you being so nice to me all of a sudden? Through the years, I've called you all the names in the book, and you've thrown them right back. Honestly I expected you to throw me out of your office the moment you saw me."

It was Trevor's turn to laugh.

"Believe it or not, I think very highly of you Olivia. And I know you think that my job completely defines who I am as a person but it doesn't…" he hesitated for a second. "Can I be honest with you?"

She smirked "That would be a first."

Trevor smiled but then grew serious. "What happened with Lewis… Made me see this job from a totally different point of view. I don't know if you noticed but I've stopped taking SVU cases ever since and I don't think I ever will again. Not even the family court ones."

Olivia was looked at him stunned. It was the last thing she expected to come out from Trevor Langan's mouth.

"But why? What's that got to do with anything?"

"Because it happened to you." If her eyes weren't already large they were larger now. Trevor noticed and tried hard not to make himself look like a complete idiot. "I guess I just realized that it could happen to any of us, and the fact that it happened to one of the best...well it just rattled the cages is all. I don't know what I'd do if I were ever in that position."

"You'd beat the odds," Olivia said almost spacey, as if she were reinventing the attack herself.

"What, like you?"

"Not quite like me," she grinned again.

"Olivia Benson, superwoman by day, mommy by night. Intriguing career. I wonder how she does it." Trevor mocked, teasingly.

"Well it's not easy. Believe me."

"It's never easy. Nothing is ever easy. I don't know why people ever think that things are. If things were easy what would be the point? Things have to be hard. How else would we know how strong we are? And the stronger we get, the better people we come. The better lawyers we are, the better detectives we are- the better parents. Just think, you'll be bullet proof by the time you take Noah home."

Olivia nodded, smiling softly up at him. The wisdom was well received, even after they ate their desert, she was somehow grateful for everything she'd ever been through. Even with Lewis- down to the last second. Now that she was able to look at it in a different light for Noah, it all seemed worth it.

"Well thank you. I had a great time with you tonight," Olivia said as they walked to her apartment building.

"Yeah, it was uh...I had a fun with you...I mean." Trevor admitted, kindly.

"I had fun with you too."

"Well listen, I mean, I know that you're...whatever, and I'm you know...me, but the whole thing- the adoption process can get pretty stressful, and well...if you ever need to take the load off, I'm here."

Olivia tilted her head to the side and smiled at him. Is he asking me out again?...No way. He's too...

"What about Friday?" she asked, boldly.

"Friday? What, you mean this Friday?"

"Yeah, this Friday."

"I can- I can do that."

"Then I'll see you then." They smiled at one another. Then unexpectedly, Trevor leaned in and kissed her forehead. "Good night Olivia."

"Good night," she waved, and entered her building all smiles.

Even by the time she got to the door outside of her apartment, she was all jittery inside, like someone had just through fire explosives in her stomach. She had a nice time tonight, but was it too soon? Yes it was too soon, and then there was work and before either would know it, there would be Noah.

Olivia sighed, as she opened her door. She just couldn't seem to get her personal life on track- ever. One day Benson...One day. She stepped inside and turned on the light.

"Where were you?"

Olivia jumped so hard that she dropped her keys. By the time she looked to see who it was, she was hyperventilating.

"Jesus, Brian. Why didn't you call me?"

"I never called before."

"That's because you lived here and I expected you to be in the house." Brian shrugged. "What do you want?"

"I just thought that maybe we could talk." He was closer to her now. "I missed you." Olivia turned her face when he tried to kiss her. His lips landed square on her cheek.

"About what?"

"What?"

"You said you wanted to talk."

"Come inside. Sit down." She dropped her things by the door and took off her coat, then went straight into the kitchen to pour a glass of wine. She took a sip before they started. She was still in the kitchen, he was looking out at the view from her living room. "I used to wonder why people have kids...and the reason I think, is because we want someone to get it right this time. Because we want a second chance to things over, and to do them better-

"Brian where is this going?"

"I thought a lot about what you said, and I'd like to try again. The whole kid thing I mean- with you." Olivia blinked.

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"I want us to get back together. Do this baby thing. I mean if that's what you still want. I know what happened last time was...inconsiderate, but I was just scared, and Liv I miss you. I miss us." He was at her side again. He kissed her face, kissed her hair, held her. "I'm sorry," he whispered.

Olivia put her hand on his with every intention to pull him off, and push him away, but there was something about him, something different, that both frightened her and made her want him more than she ever had. So as they stood there in her kitchen, their bodies pressed against one another. She did nothing. And that's how Brian came back into her life.

Truth be told, she missed having someone around like that and it scared her. She was always Miss Independent and it scared her that after being with Brian she felt the need to have another person in her life like that. Her thoughts drifted back to Trevor, his blue eyes, his handsome features and his gentle voice but she tried to shake those thoughts away.

It's too dangerous, a little voice in her head said. Brian is familiar, he is safe. You need that right now. Noah's smiling face popped into her mind. Noah is your priority now. You should think what's best for him. Sighing, Olivia took a step back and look into Brian's expecting eyes.

"Let's go sit down. We need to talk." She said quietly. After telling him everything about Noah, Brian stood silent for some seconds and Olivia looked at him anxiously.

"When are you going to bring him home?" he asked finally with an untraceable expression.

"In two days. The judge gave me a week to get everything ready, buy all the essentials…"

"Right, there's so much that you have to buy…"

"Well, Bri, that's not the problem here. The real issue is, what are you going to do? I suppose that wasn't what you expected when you came here to talk to me…"

"It sure was a surprise but it wasn't a bad surprise. Liv… I'm in," he said with a smile. Olivia smiled too, but she still had worries in her mind.

"Brian, I want you to know what you're signing up for. I want to give Noah everything, he will be my number one priority…" she stressed.

"Of course Liv, of course, don't worry… And maybe, I mean later not now, we can try and have one of our own?" he asked placing a soft peck on her cheek.

"I don't know Bri, there are a lot of factors against it… having another baby barely one year old is the most important. Plus I want to give my full attention to Noah, he deserves it, and I want to prove to the judge that I am worth being his mother." Olivia said. She couldn't believe that she wasn't turning this kind of offer down, but at the moment it was the best solution.

"Sure, sure no worries. You're absolutely right. So do you want me to move back in…?" he asked carefully.

"I'm not sure it's the best solution right now. Let's take this slow ok?" Olivia said biting her lip. Suddenly she felt very nervous about the whole thing but she brushed it off.

"Of course." He said and placed another kiss, this time, on her lips. She kissed him back and traced his face with her hand.

"I'm going to leave now. Talk tomorrow?" he said standing up.

"Yeah… ah.. Brian?" She hesitated for a second as he turned around to look at her from where he was standing at the door. "The furniture for Noah's room will arrive tomorrow afternoon, do you want to come and ah... maybe help me?"

"I'll probably be working but I'll try my best I promise Liv." he said and with that, he left.

She sighed and picking up her empty glass, she strolled into the kitchen. Absent mindedly she reached for the wine bottle and was about to pour another glass, when she stopped. "No" she said steadily and instead poured the bottle down the sink. For Noah. She thought. Everything for Noah…

The next day, Olivia heard her phone ringing and tried to reach for it through the chaos of the boxes. When she located it, she looked at the screen, half-expecting it to be Brian, he had promised after all, but Trevor Langan's name appeared instead and Olivia felt her heart beat faster all of a sudden.

"Hello?"

"Hey Olivia, is this a bad time?"

"No, it's okay, what's up?" She said as she resumed to look up for all individual parts she needed to assemble Noah's crib.

"Judge Linden gave me some papers for you to sign concerning Noah's fostering. Do you want me to drop them by your office?"

"No, um, I took the day off, I am at home actually…shit," she mumble when the screwdriver fell from her hand.

"Do you want me to bring them there?"

"If I'm not asking for too much… I don't think I'll be finishing any time soon." she said with a sigh, searching through a box full of wooden crib parts and screws

"Ah… everything okay there?" Trevor asked, hearing the commotion from the other side of the line.

"Yeah, I'm just trying to assemble Noah's crib, and failing as it appears." She mumbled and Trevor chuckled.

"I will be there in half an hour to give you the papers and I will help you too."

"Trevor it's not necessary, it's fine…" she warned but he had already terminated the call.

Half an hour later, Olivia opened the door to a smirking Trevor, whose smirk only grew bigger as he took in Olivia's appearance. She was in sweats and a tank top, a lot of hair had escaped her pony tail and she looked tired and frustrated.

"So it seems that we discovered something that superwoman Olivia Benson isn't good at." He teased.

"Oh shut up," she said half irritated and half amused. "You need to have an engineering degree to assemble those things."

Trevor took off his suit jacket and lifted the sleeves of his shirt revealing his muscular arms. "Be my guest" she said and headed towards the nursery with Trevor behind her chuckling.

Two hours later, they were both sitting at the couch, tired but satisfied.

"I have to admit, if it wasn't for you I would still be fighting over what goes where." Olivia said and Trevor laughed.

"Your welcome Benson." he said nudging her shoulder playfully.

She smiled at him. "Can I get you something to drink? Are you thirsty?"

"Actually I'm ok. I have to head into town to pick up some papers and I'm running a bit behind."

Olivia drew back. "Oh. I'm sorry, I didn't realize-

"No, no. It's ok, it's fine. Like I said it's just papers, but if you want...uh, you more than welcome to come with me. Maybe we could visit Noah and then I'll take you to lunch. How's that sound?"

He wanted to see Noah? That was unexpected. She didn't hide her feelings either. She nodded saying, "Sure. Let me just go change."

She'd never showered so quickly in all her life. What was it? Two minutes? And getting dressed...well that took a little longer. She didn't beat herself up about it until they were en route to his office. Since when did she care what she looked like in front of Trevor Langan? It was all about self worth, she kept telling herself. And when he came back down a few minutes later with papers and a stuffed toy, what was she going to say then?"

"You bought him a stuffed animal?"

"Actually this is for you. I thought you might like some company while you wait for tomorrow. I know time can go a little slow, when you're waiting for this sort of thing to happen." Olivia smiled at the big bear. It was huge, honestly, but she didn't seem to mind. In fact she was trying very hard not to laugh.

"Thank you. I'm sure I'll be in good hands," she smirked.

"I'm counting on it. Mr. Bear fully understands the job, I've worked with him for years," Trevor teased as he backed out of the parking lot.

They arrived at the child services center just before two, with hopes of seeing Noah. Olivia walked in there like she owned the place, and Trevor, who couldn't stop smiling, noticed. "Detective Benson? Good to see you again. Are you here for visiting hours."

"I am. Cindy, this is Trevor Langan, mine and the baby's lawyer." Well what else was she supposed to introduce him as? She was treading on dark water. Even though certain glances and hidden jokes told her they were more, she still had Brian to think about hadn't she? And besides, it was only a few days ago that she hated him. She still kinda did...right?

"We've met. Good to see you again Mr. Langan. Olivia, I'll go see about Noah. You can wait in the lobby until I get back."

"Thanks Cindy."

"Don't worry about it," the social worker winked, and disappeared down the hall.

Olivia turned to face Trevor. Now this was too weird. First he helped fix the nursery furniture, then he suggested coming here, then he goes and gets this huge bear for the apartment, and now he's a regular at child services? What was all this about? "You've been here before?" she asked out loud, choosing to sit across from him. She needed the distance to think straight.

"All the time. I love kids, plus I like to meet all my clients before I start defending them," Trevor said in between small giggles. Olivia frowned. He wasn't looking at her. Noah was coming out with the social worker, his little arms were grabbing for Olivia. She did a double take on both boys, before standing up to greet the baby. Pretty soon, she was wearing the same smile on her face as Noah was handed over into her arms.

"Did you get everything you need detective?" Cindy asked.

"Oh yeah I just finished assembling the nursery today," Olivia replied still bouncing Noah on her lap, who had buried his head on her shoulder gurgling happily.

"Well since everything concerning the paperwork is in order, how would you feel if you took him home tonight?"

"What? Like, now?" Olivia asked stunned. Cindy smiled

"If you want of course, that is."

"No! I mean, yes! I'd love to!" She said placing a soft kiss on Noah's head. She looked up at Trevor who smiled encouraging her.

"Very well then, let me bring you one final paper to sign and you're good to go"

With that, Cindy left. Olivia suddenly felt overwhelmed but in a good way. "I have to make sure I have enough formula and diapers, I was going to buy those things tomorrow..." She said a bit panicky. "And what about clothes? I didn't- I built a crib Trevor. I'm not- I'm not ready."

"Hey it's ok, I'll help you. We'll stop on your way back to your apartment and get everything you need." Trevor said placing a hand at the small of her back

"No it's ok. I can do it myself, you don't have to-

"I want to. It'll only take a couple of minutes. Come on. I'll have you back before bedtime." Trevor teased. Olivia smiled appreciatively while rubbing Noah's back.

"Are you sure?"

Trevor sighed. "You know, I'm starting to remember why we didn't click on the right foot when we first met."

"Why, because I know nothing comes for free?"

"No. Because you don't trust me."

Cindy came out with a spare car seat and the paperwork for Olivia sign. She was still looking up at Trevor when Cindy started talking about the car seat rental. "You can have it for the week, before you have to come back and return it or sign it out again. I just need you to sign at the bottom of the paper and you're good to go."

Olivia signed it hastily while Trevor took the car seat and stalked off.

* * *

><p>Later in the car, Olivia kept glancing back at Noah who was asleep in the car seat the agency had provided her with. It still felt like a dream, she really couldn't wrap her head around the fact that she was actually taking the little boy home. Her gaze then fell at Trevor who was driving, his full attention on the road. Or so she thought.<p>

"Just say it," he said out of the blue.

"Say what?" Olivia asked confused

"Whatever you're thinking. I know you are, so just spit it out Benson."

Olivia sighed. "I'm sorry. I should never have-" Trevor laughed. "What's so funny?"

"You."

"You're annoying you know that?" She asked with a smirk.

"Annoying. A cocky bastard- what was it you called me when we first met?" Olivia sighed, and stifled a giggle. "A kraut was it?"

"I didn't mean it that way," Olivia giggled.

"And yet, you came to me for help with Noah, you let me into your house to help you assemble his furniture, you let me drive you home..."

"Ok, ok point taken." She rolled her eyes but then fell silent. "I guess I've changed." She said finally . "This whole thing... Changed me not only in bad ways, but in good too. It made me want to actually move forward in my life, to have a life outside of this job..." She paused for a second and looked again back at Noah. "You know...there was a moment during my last encounter with Lewis that I thought that I was going to die," they had arrived at the department store when she noticed Trevor had turned off the engine and was listening to her very carefully, "and then a thought crossed my mind. Is there someone that is actually, genuinely going to miss me? Sure, there are the people of my squad, but they have their own families to worry about at the end of the day. You know? It's just me..." She shook her head and gazed down at her lap, trying to keep her tears at bay.

"Hey," Trevor's voice was soft, "You are alive, you are here and you have a pretty good reason to stay," he said pointing back at the sleeping baby.

Olivia looked back at him and smiled. "I know..." she said, feeling her heart swelling with such amount of love that almost terrified her. "I know."

They raided the department store, and bought everything. Diapers, clothes, eating sets, bottles, formula, pacifiers, a car seat, a stroller, a pack 'n play- everything. It got so bad that Trevor had to buy half of it, and when they finally exited the store, he looked at Olivia and said, "Ok, now let's go to GAP."

She of course looked at him like he had three heads, and then begged him to take she and Noah home, but Trevor wouldn't listen. They ended up going to GAP and Toys 'R Us and anywhere else he insisted. By the time they got home, it was near ten, and Noah, surrounded by bags and boxes, was sleeping on his own accord. Olivia opened her door. "You're helping me bring all this stuff inside," she announced, already pulling bags from out of the car.

"Oh. M. G. You figured out my master plan." Trevor smirked as he took the bags so Olivia could grab Noah. Bringing everything up took around six or seven trips from Olivia's apartment to Trevor's car back to back, and each took turns checking over Noah. The clothes and products were piled high in the Noah's bedroom and it was physically difficult to maneuver around in the room.

"You think we over did it?" Trevor whispered, as they stood together watching over Noah. Olivia looked at him with a sly grin before rolling her eyes. "Yeah we over did it."

"Is this how it feels to be happy?" Olivia asked quietly, not realizing how intimate the question was. Trevor looked down over her, and then reluctantly turned his eyes away.

"I should go," he said. Olivia was pulled out of her trance.

"Let me walk you out." Olivia followed Trevor out of Noah's room and closed the door behind her before heading out towards the hallway. They walked through her apartment in silence, Olivia took the lead, opened the door for Trevor, but stood in the way.

"You know you didn't answer my question," she said. She had a small smile on the curve of her lips and Trevor couldn't resist but smile himself. He loved it when she made that face. It was like Christmas and Thanksgiving wrapped up in one.

"I didn't answer your question at all."

"Any wise words?"

"My answer is... Sometimes you just know." He'd gotten closer to her on his way out, but he didn't have the guts to kiss her or anything. "Good night, Olivia."

"Good night," she waved and locked the door behind him.

"Did you have fun?" Olivia jumped out in total shock. She breathed in and out heavily as her nerves tried to resist the after tense of their frenzy. She turned around to face Brian who was pouring a glass of orange juice in the middle of her kitchen.

"What the hell are you doing here?"

"Is that any way to greet someone you love?"

"How did you get in here?" He shrugged.

"I still have my key, and you didn't answer my question."

"What?"

"What, I don't get a flirtatious comeback?"

"Brian, Trevor and I are just friends."

"Right, and two weeks ago you were ready to cut out his guts."

"I didn't know him them, he's been helping me with Noah's case, and we've just gotten to know each other better that's all." Olivia pointed out defensively.

"Is that why he's been working over time, Liv? You guys are just getting to know each other better?"

"Woah, Brian, you need to lay off on the jealously play a little bit."

"Jealous? No. How about fucking worried as hell 'cause all of the sudden you don't answer your phone. But hey it's ok right? You were in good hands Liv. I'm sure Trevor knows exactly how to take care of you when you fall through." Brian threw his beer cap down in front of her on the counter before walking away.

"Where are you going?" Olivia asked quietly.

"To bed." Brian glared at her. "Must be nice to get answers when you want them."

"I thought we said we were going to wait," Olivia replied, her eyes burned red.

"You know you're really out of fucking line you know that? You just brought a baby home for Christ's sake Olivia. Do yourself a favor and don't try and do this on your own. He's had enough screw ups for one lifetime. He doesn't need one more." Brian responded as he walked down the hallway towards Olivia's bedroom, while she stayed behind staring into space.

The whole time she tried to get herself not to look back, and so far it was working. Even as Brian's words repeatedly forced themselves in and out of her head, she didn't look back. Alone and by herself in her kitchen she started to eye up the couch when an unmistakable cry came out from Noah's room. And it wasn't until she pulled herself together to make sure he was ok, that Olivia realized that she too had been crying.

* * *

><p><strong>WELL! OK! So the pace of this story moves really fast...expect things to get hot real quick next chapter! <strong>


	3. Chapter 3

**Katechoco: Thank you all guys for your support in our new story! There's plenty of drama and twists and turns to come so buckle up! Lots of love to the amazing duo I am co-writing this story with! **

**REVIEWS**

**kazjaz13:** Please update soon!:)!;)

**PLEASE READ SOON!:)!;)**

**ihateamarorollins: **Great update soon plz love it

**GREAT REVIEW THNKZ LOVE IT**

**southernbelle843: **That. Dick. Face. Monster. Brian. Cassidy. Once his name popped up I almost threw my iPad out my bedroom window because he's disgusting and makes me cringe (intensely). And he's only going to escalate because he already seems evil as shite! Don't try to put wool over my eyes! I know how these evil as shite characters work! I read 'A dangerous affair:envy'!

**HOL' UP! COULD IT BE, THE ONE AND ONLY SOUTHERNNOTCOUNTRY?! HOLY FUCKNUT! (if this is not who I think it is, scroll down and read the lower case text below) I MISS YOU SOOOO #FLEEKIN MUCH. YOU'RE SO FUNNNY, THIS REVIEW IS BEYOND HYSTERICAL! ONCE AGAIN, YOU ARE ON POINT! I'M GONNA NEED SOME THICKER WOOL FOR YOUR BEHINE! OH I LOVE YOU SO MUCH, I COULD JUST KISS YOU! GAAA YOU GOT ME SO EXCITED. I HAVE SO MUCH STUFF I NEED TO TELL YOU- BUT NOT HERE ;) SOON!**

**thank you for this awesomeeee review! Yet again, it's my favorite this week. I really appreciate you coming from ADA to read this, it's an honor to have you back ;) **

**4evabenson**:

**AS PIE**

**aspurgeon: **Wow, did things get heated! I like it. Not a big Cassidy fan can't lie. Looking forward to the next chapter!

**IF YOU THOUGHT THAT WAS HOT, YOU NEED TO CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT FOR THIS ONE. I DON'T WANT YOU TO GET BURNED. and oh the Cassidy...JUST WAIT**

**fayevdm: **"Superwoman by day, mommy by night." I loved that line! It made me smile :)

**US TOO MY FRIEND ;) US TOO! (KISSES)**

**Oh you guys, this is not good. Not good at all...**

* * *

><p>Olivia could have easily forgotten the night she had the following morning when she held Noah in her arms. From the moment she came to greet him, he had been up and all smiles, ready for his bath and breakfast. They had only spent a short time together, but Olivia knew that Noah was a sweet baby.<p>

He was so easy, and it was obvious there had been neglection in the past because all he wanted was Olivia's attention. She had been so occupied with him that she didn't have the chance to change out of her clothes. She was lip biting his fingers, trying to find something to wear when Brian knocked on the wall outside her closet.

He'd just gotten out of the shower, with his towel tightly wrapped around his waist when he came to see her.

"Oh good you're up," Olivia threw out there to make conversation. He tilted his chin up, choosing to dismiss the words all together.

"How is he?"

"Great actually. I was thinking about taking him out to the park. See how he likes it outside." She pushed one outfit over the other. Everything she owned screamed work, work, work. Didn't she own a pair of jeans anymore?

"Why don't we do a little shopping to start and then head to Central around 2. I hear they're setting up for a carnival. We can take him to that." Brian suggested.

"Uh...yeah. That sounds great." Olivia replied.

"What, you don't like it?"

"No, I think it sounds like fun. I just...can't find anything to wear."

"Look if you don't want to go, you don't have to lie about it." Brian muttered.

"I'm not lying. That sounds like a great plan, I just don't know what to put on."

Brian rolled his eyes and walked through Olivia, purposely bumping her shoulder in order to move her out of the way. Annoyed, he shoved one hanger after the other until he found something that he thought would work before yanking them off their plastic handles and pushing them into Olivia's chest. "Get dressed. I want to be home for the game."

Olivia sighed, and ignored him. She wasn't about to let Brian ruin her first day with Noah. It wasn't going to happen. She retreated back into Noah's room where his play pin was waiting for her disposal so she could get dressed, and tried to stop thinking about what the hell had gotten into Brian. She knew him...trusted him, they'd worked together a long time, been friends for even longer- and she'd never seen him like this. Not once. She compiled a list of things that could be bothering him, most of them pertaining to Noah, and decided she'd address them with him tonight.

In any relationship, communication was key, and Olivia's gut instincts told her that she should try and make an effort. Even if things went south for she and Brian, she needed him to know that she cared enough to hear what he was thinking. After all, it was the least she could do after everything he'd done for her. The recovery from her assault with Lewis had not been easy. Everyday had seemed to be a struggle, but Brian was patient, caring, sincere and all the things she needed when she tried to heal. She knew that if he wasn't there she would have spiraled out of control and it was clear to her that something inside of Brian was quite literally spiraling out of control too.

She didn't have to think about what might happen if she let it get that far. Only a few moments ago she'd gotten glimpses of a side of him she'd never seen before, and what was worse, was how she let him talk to her last night...Noah started to fuss right after Olivia pulled her sweater down over her head. She smiled at him and scooped him up in her arms again, only too eager to smell the sweet baby scent of his skin when she held him.

* * *

><p>"Noah, smile for mommy," Brian smiled as he held the camera up at the two of them. Olivia waved from the carousel, the happiness literally glistening in her eyes. The ride came to a halt right in front of Brian, giving him the perfect opportunity to snap a few more photos.<p>

"Did you get them?" Olivia asked cheerfully as she began to undo the straps of the pony she and Noah were sitting on.

"Liv, wait till you see them, they're perfect." Brian grinned hopping up to meet them. He took Noah from Olivia so she could safely get down, and then led them further into the carnival. They were passing through when Brian noticed the ferris wheel. "Hey, want to go up there?" Brian pointed.

"Oh no. No way." Olivia giggled.

"What? Do you think I'm going to let anything happen to you?" Brian teased, kissing Olivia's lips and cheeks playfully as they walked. "You're too cute, detective. Come on, you'll love it." Olivia's wrist jerked forward as Brian pulled them towards the line. She giggled behind him. He was so excited. Kept saying, "Come on, you'll love it. It'll be great. We'll take pictures." Olivia looked up at the ferris wheel nervously. She wasn't afraid of it or anything, but she was a little cautious about Noah.

"Next!" The ticket master called. Olivia hesitated.

"What?" Brian asked when he realized she wasn't behind him. He realized she was scared about the baby and exhaled sharply. "Liv, he'll be fine. Look. All the other moms are doing it." Brian nodded to the exiting crew. It was true. They're were other parents and families leaving the ferris wheel, but it didn't make Olivia feel any better.

"Just because other people are doing it, doesn't make it right."

Brian sighed. "Look. Nothing's going to happen. I promise. Just get on. It'll be done before you know it. Besides. There's something I want you to see." Olivia didn't budge. Brian put out his hand. "Come on." Reluctantly she took it, and they all crowded inside the cabin. It was only big enough for two people and they had to sit opposite each other, but Brian didn't seem to mind.

Olivia felt her stomach drop as the wheel started to spin. Brian noticed she was uncomfortable, and smiled at her. "It's ok, Liv. There's nothing to be afraid of. I'm right here."

Olivia smiled back. "I know."

"Hey, look at that."

Brian nodded out the window. Olivia gasped at the view. Which, wasn't anything special, I mean they were in central park, but she could see almost all of central park, and that was beautiful. Brian grinned, and snapped more photos. Noah jumped up and down in Olivia's arms, and made funny baby noises. Olivia laughed, and kissed him up, paying special attention to his cheeks, even as he pointed to the trees.

"You know what I think?" Brian said, as he took more pictures. "I think he likes it."

"You're right he does." Olivia gleamed. "Brian, it's so beautiful up here. I can't believe it. All this time, and I never knew..."

"Believe me baby. It's not as beautiful as you." Brian tapped his fingers to his lips and sent a kiss her way. Olivia was red with joy, and disappointed when they started the journey back down.

"You know, I'm really happy we did this today." Olivia said as she and Brian joined hands after they left the cabin.

"I told you, you would."

"Brian, I mean it. Thank you."

"You don't have to thank me, Liv. It's what a guy's supposed to do for his family." The shock waves took Olivia by surprise. She wasn't expecting those words. Not that she didn't want to hear them, but the knowledge that this was all very real and official had quite literally taken the rug out from under her feet. She pulled her hand from out of his, and took his face so she could kiss him.

"I love you more than turkey meat apple sauce." Olivia whispered, referring to Noah's eventful and very messy lunch.

"I'd like to see you prove it when we get home," Brian smirked, and casually started to walk away. Olivia smiled after him, holding Noah in her arms, and tried desperately to deny the feeling of loneliness that erupted inside.

Brian unlocked the door to the apartment before dragging in a giant stuffed animal, the stroller, and a hot plate of funnel cake into the kitchen. Olivia was right behind him carrying a sleeping Noah inside, along with the diaper bag, and all of the things she bought once they left the carnival to go shopping. "I'm going to put him to bed," Olivia whispered. Brian nodded, though he wasn't really listening. His eyes were too fixed on the manila envelope on the counter.

When Olivia came back out, Brian was sitting up on the couch with a beer and a bag of chips. The game was on, they were in the fourth inning. Olivia slouched next to him and helped herself to the crispy, barbecue goodness. "Who's winning?" Olivia whispered.

"We...we are." Then abruptly, Brian jumped up from the couch and started cheering in silence, whispering exasperated words of awesomeness, making Olivia laugh. "We are so great." Brian said once he settled back down.

"Do you still have the pictures from today?"

"Yeah. They're on the counter next to the fridge." Olivia got up to retrieve the camera. "Hey you've got an envelope on the island too. It wasn't there when we left, I thought it might be important." Olivia noticed the package and instantly knew it was the formal consent forms concerning Noah's foster care. Trevor must have dropped them off for her to sign. Olivia immediately opened them and looked over the documents to sign them. She hadn't realized how much time had passed, when Brian came to check on her.

"Hey," Brian said, kissing the side of face. "What's this all about?" he asked, nodding towards the papers.

"They're Noah's consent forms. Trevor must have dropped them off earlier."

"He has keys to the house?" Olivia glanced up briefly at Brian just to make sure all the confusion and frustration she heard in his voice was on his face.

"Just in case of emergencies."

"I thought Frieda was in charge of that." Brian remarked, referring to their neighbor across the hall.

"She is. It's just, there are a lot of things that I'm going to have to look over, and sign, and keep that Trevor has access to, and I won't always be available to get them. So I gave him the spare so he could let himself in."

"Yeah, so he can fuck you right?"

"Ok. Woah. Where is that coming from?"

"Oh please, don't deny it Olivia. Nothing comes for free. That nursery is full and stocked with payment. I bet I must have ruined something beautiful when I moved back in."

"Brian, please. We're not doing this again. You know that I love you. I would never do anything like that to you."

"Yeah that's what you said the first time." Brian argued spraying the papers off the counter.

"Ok, what is this about- really?" Olivia asked, giving Brian her full attention. He slammed the refrigerator shut again, and popped open another beer. Olivia could tell he wasn't going to say anything. "No come on. Tell me. Because whatever this is, needs to stop. Now." Brian was giving her the silent treatment, just glaring at her, like he was going to kill her. "Is it Noah?" Olivia tried. "You never wanted kids. You said so yourself when we broke up."

"I told you already. I changed my mind."

"Then what? Is it me? Do you think I'm not giving you enough attention? Do you think I'm not interested in what you have to say? Is it Trevor-

"You're damn right it's that foul shit, piece of scum."

"He's helping me with Noah's case, Brian. That's all."

Brian said nothing, did nothing, but take the first sip of the beer he opened. He left the rest on the counter. "Whatever," he answered, and stalked off. Olivia sighed and started to pick up the papers.

A few hours later, she stopped to check on Noah and get ready for bed. Brian was still up, but not yet in the speaking mood. Olivia ignored it, and methodically tried to put it behind them. She turned off the light and got into bed next to him, and curled into his side the way she always did. She was surprised by how warm he felt, and how tender he was. His fingers stroked her hair, and the tips of her back. They caressed smooth lines on her wrist as it lay sprawled out over his chest, making it feel as though there was skin to skin contact instead of skin to Hanes cotton.

"You don't love him?" Brian wondered out loud, just before Olivia closed her eyes.

"Not even close."

"Then show me."

Olivia leaned off of him and studied his face in the darkness. She just had to see him. She had to see what was going through his head. Where was all of this coming from? she pondered. And then Brian had her on her back, had her wrapped in the most intoxicating kiss she'd ever experienced. He kissed the side of her neck and down the slopes of her body, whispering "Show me," into the intimate parts of her skin. Olivia trembled beneath him, wondering if she should tell him to stop. She didn't want to sleep with him, but something in the back of her head, told her she probably didn't have an option. From the looks of it, Brian needed her, and needs trump wants don't they?

But Olivia was unprepared for the pace at which Brian was going. Already he had her slip up and her legs a part. Already he was hovering over her, getting ready to take her. "Brian wai-" Olivia seethed, as he entered her. Raw. There was absolutely nothing between them. Olivia was sure this was the driest sex she'd ever had in her life. There was nothing, not even a little slide to make it more comfortable. After about the first few minutes she had to get him to stop. She was in a lot of pain.

"Show me. Show me, you love me." He whispered. His thrusts became more controlled, slower, and Olivia could feel the blood rushing back into her body. "Show me." Olivia tugged onto the broad planes of his shoulders and gripped him fiercely to exert some sort of power on her part, and gasped aimlessly as she really had no other way to deal with the burning sensation between her legs. Out of sheer accident she turned her face into his and her lips brushed against his cheek. The simple act of intimacy must have done something to him because he had stopped, and Olivia could feel the warmth of him beginning to enter into her body. She breathed with heavy relief and thankfulness. Never, had she ever wanted a man to come inside her so badly as just then.

Instantly the pain was beginning to sooth around Brian's fluids and Olivia could breathe again. Then, he gently removed himself as if he'd been careful the whole time and rested at her side, only to join her in a soft hum of pants. Olivia stared up at the ceiling for what felt like a lifetime. The place between her legs throbbed with a violent ache and she couldn't get it past her to sleep, and curiously the same could be said for Brian who was imitating her every movement. In those silent moments it had occurred to her that there was a proper term for what just happened, and what was going on between them, but for the life of her she couldn't say it out loud.

Did she really go against every word that she'd been preaching for the past fourteen years? Didn't she know better- she stopped herself. Dead in her mental tracks. She was not to blame for this. It wasn't her fault. It happened. She knew the rules. No means no. Not saying yes, means no. And Brian didn't care what she said, he'd done want he wanted anyway. There was a word for that.

Next at hand, was the question of what she should do. Obviously this was where things had to end. Even though this- time was small, she knew with her experience as a detective that it would only get worse. She could see that coming. She could prevent that from happening. She would have to, especially now that Noah was in the house. And then of course there was the matter of pressing charges...would she? Was it that serious? Olivia thought about it, and wondered if it were worth the time...and Brian he wasn't the type to...well apparently he was. So she would- but what if this backfired and threatened her chances with Noah? Wouldn't the court see this as an act of endangerment?

Olivia bit her lip. Hard. She could file a complaint. Put it on his record. Have it released at the right time. She could tell Don, tomorrow. That's what she'd do. They would figure it out, they had to. Because the one thing Olivia Benson was not going to do, was be silent. Literally. "I have to pee," she'd said, and gingerly left the bed. When she came back out she had her bath robe knotted tightly over her waist. Brian had the lights turned on, and was fully alert.

"What's wrong?"

"I heard Noah. I think he's crying." Olivia listened out and she could hear it too. "Bring him in here. He can sleep with us." Brian offered. Olivia opened her mouth to protest but she really couldn't find the words to say anything to him just yet. She opened the door to her bedroom and started walking towards his room. Thoughts, scary, unfortunate thoughts were running through her head, and it wasn't until she flicked on the light to see Noah pointing a wet finger at her, begging to be comforted, that she remembered the worst.

Brian didn't use a condom.

* * *

><p><strong>EXPLOSION. HUGE EXPLOSION.<strong>


	4. Chapter 4

**REVIEWS**

**southernbelle843:** (Mmhhmm it's southernNOTcountry my on fleek friends) THAT MAN BITCH (Mitch if we're getting technical here). WHY DO I HAVE ONE BRAIN? BECAUSE I CAN'T EVEN COMPREHEND HOW MUCH OF A DOUCHE CAKE HE IS! GOD I just got a little too hype *simmer* Anyway, I love it so far, and how Brian kind of forced himself back into her life. And, it seems like he doesn't actually want to be there (kind of) so… I wonder if he has alternate intentions.…hmmmmm

Ps What is turkey meat apple sauce?

Another ps I love you too! 3

**I CANNOT NOT STOP SCREAMING (STILL SCREAMING, STILL SCREAMING, STILL SCREAMING) DO NOT GO NEAR THE DOUCHE CAKE, I REPEAT, DO NOT GO NEAR THE DOUCHE CAKE. ALTERNATE INTENTIONS MAY EXPLODE. I actually don't know what turkey meat apple sauce is, but it seemed legit sooooo... lol**

**Katechoco: hashtag douchecake, hashtag turkeymeatapplesauce! :P :P**

**aspurgeon:** Dun Dun! Classic svu style! Ugh Cassidy...please tell me she's not going to get pregnant or of this!?

**...SHE'S NOT GOING TO GET PREGNANT OR OF THIS!**

**Katechoco:She's not going to get or of this!**

**trinibitch:** Omg I wanna kill BRIAN he's such a douche I hope she ends up filling in a complaint ugh that ASSHOLE. Please update

**LOL YOU'RE THE SECOND PERSON TO CALL HIM A DOUCHE. LOL. HASHTAGING. DON'T YOU HAVE TO LIKE...BE HARASSED TO FILE A COMPLAINT?**

**Katechoco: yeah I mean…. Its Brian right? :P :P**

**mhargitay4ever:** OMG...I'm speechless...looking forward to an update. I hope you have a creul way to punish that asshole He don't deserve to breath the same air as Liv. BTW fantastic story

**OH IT WILL BE CRUEL, VERY CRUEL, AND IF YOU HAVE ANY SUGGESTIONS, WE'D LOVED TO HEAR THEM**

**ty:** I'm really enjoying this story:) love trevor and olivia pairing. Please update soon

**HEY TY! GLAD YOU'RE REALLY ENJOYING THIS STORY ;)**

**britkneerose**: Love this! Cant wait for more! Y'all are awesome 3

**YOU ARE AWESOME 3333 LOVE YOU TOO!**

**nickandliv:** Interested to see where this goes.

**ME TOO**

**nickandliv:** Oh, and three words: Morning. After. Pill.

**IT WASN'T INVENTED YET.**

**Katechoco: haha you mean when Brian was conceived? :P**

* * *

><p>Olivia heard Brian shifting beside her and tried to remain as still as possible. She had spent half the night in Noah's room, rocking him and watching him while he slept and the other half, wide awake beside Brian.<p>

She prayed that Noah would stay asleep until Brian would leave for work. That way she could lay with her eyes shut on the bed, pretending to be asleep so as not to have to interact with Brian in any way. She didn't think she could stand to be touched by him at the moment. She wasn't sure how much time had passed when Brian entered the bedroom and leaned above her. He placed a soft kiss on her hair and Olivia had to gather all her willpower to not cringe.

"Bye sweetheart" he mumbled softly.

Olivia laid completely still, listening to the fading sound of his footsteps and then the front door shutting behind him. As soon as the door closed, she shot up throwing the covers away from her.

Her heart was racing. What was she going to do? How was she going to handle this? Her mind went immediately to Noah. He was under her care hardly for four days and she might have had already put her chances of adopting him under jeopardy. If she decided to report what happened, there was no way that the social worker and the judge would agree on her keeping him. Another unsafe environment, another broken home for the little boy. No, she couldn't let that happen. Noah belonged with her.

So, she wouldn't report it, end of story. But Brian… Brian couldn't stay. She wasn't entertaining the idea even to the slightest, of spending another night on the same bed with him. But she had to let him go gently, not because he deserve it, but because of Noah. She couldn't risk him lashing out on Noah. She had to protect him at any cost, even if that meant spending a few more days with Brian.

She got out of bed and started taking off her clothes, leaving a trail behind her on her way to the shower. Once inside, she scrubbed herself until her skin turned red. She looked down at her body, at the fading scars from almost a year ago, that Lewis had inflicted on her and choked back a sob. Was this how it was supposed to feel? Was this what having everything was supposed to be like? Olivia started to panic, badly, almost breaking down completely under her own thumb. Her hands started trembling and her thoughts flied to a wine bottle that was sitting at the far end of her fridge. She couldn't believe she was going through this.

She had overcome one disaster only to be met with another. And it made her sick. Sick to her stomach. Why did these things keep happening to her? Did she deserve them? Was this payback for all the times that she made a mistake? Letting a vic die, being a product of rape, letting Vivian take Calvin again. I mean where did it end? Constant. Constant. Just pathetic, stupid, mistakes. She didn't think she was strong enough. She didn't think that she could do it anymore.

She was so tired of failing, and the abuse...the emotional damage everything seemed to have on her. Where would it end? She had her whole life ahead of her. She had Noah- for now. Until she screwed that up...Olivia bit down on her quivering lip. Hard. It was a lot to deal with on a Monday morning, probably not even worth the time. She refocused her attention, tried to clean the rest of her skin and just get out of the shower. She could do that right, atleast. Still trembling, she slowly got out of the bathtub and out of the fuming bathroom. She was putting on her clothes, when Noah's wails echoed through the baby monitor. She immediately rushed to the nursery and scooped him up in her arms.

"It's okay baby boy, mommy's here. Mommy's got you."

She made her way into the kitchen and started preparing him a bottle. Noah had stopped crying and had buried his little head on her shoulder, quietly sucking on his pacifier. Olivia opened the fridge and her eyes fell at the wine bottle and then travelled at the infant in her arms. Without thinking any further, she grabbed the bottle and threw it in the trashcan.

"Here you go sweetheart," she said in a soothing voice, picking up Noah's bottle. She gently extracted the pacifier from his mouth and he latched on immediately, making happy and hungry sounds at the same time."You are the light of my life Noah. You are my second chance. I wont let anyone take you from me," Olivia whispered, trying to keep her tears at bay.

Some hours later, while Noah was taking a nap, Olivia was laying on the couch with her eyes closed, in order to get some rest herself. But then the doorbell rang and she jumped on her feet immediately.

With three steps, she was in front of the door and looking through the peephole. She was relieved to see Trevor on the other side, but at the same time, afraid. What if Brian came back early and see him there? God knows what he would do. But no, she had to think rationally. Brian was never home before 7pm and it was only 11 am in the morning.

Sighing, she unlocked and let him in.

"Good morning," Trevor said with a big smile that faded the moment he laid eyes on her. "Liv are you ok?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. Why?" she said trying to sound indifferent.

"You just seem…off" he remarked, making his way into her living room

"I didn't get much sleep last night, if that's what you meant…Little guy here kept me up most of the night." She said with a warm smile, trying to keep things polite.

"Oh how is it going?"

"Great..just..great" she replied and her smile was genuine this time.

"Did you sign the papers I left you yesterday?"

"Yes they're here, let me get them for you… You didn't have to come all the way here just to get them though," she said as she was searching for the papers around the dinner table.

"No, you have your hands full… Besides, I wanted to see you." He said placing his hand gently over her shoulder. Olivia immediately gasped and backed slightly away from him.

"Liv… are you sure that you are alright?" He asked, looking worried.

"I'm fine," she whipped around to face him, almost throwing him off balance. "Really, I'm fine Trevor, it's just been a long night…" she said and thought, that at least, this was true. "Look, if there aren't any other papers that you need me to sign for the next days, I'd really like some time to settle in with Noah…"

"Why, what's the matter?" Trevor asked frowning.

"Well...Brian moved back in, and things between he and I are a little bit rocky at the moment… He also found out that you have keys and… well my point is that I don't really need the extra tension this days." Olivia said and sighed. She wasn't lying, at least not technically, the last thing she needed was for Brian to catch Trevor coming uninvited to her apartment.

Trevor stared at her quietly for some moments. "It's just...I think he needs time to adjust to the new baby thing, and I could really use the uninterrupted time to make him more comfortable."

"If this is what you want…" He said finally. "…What you really want" He continued, his stare so intense that Olivia had to turn away, pretending that she tidied up the table.

Trevor sighed.

"So I guess, I'll be on my way. Call me if you need anything. I'll let you know what happens," Trevor muttered shyly, on his way to the door.

"I hope so," Olivia smiled softly, hoping she didn't hurt his feelings. "Hey," she said to him, on his way out. "Thanks...for everything." Olivia finished, barely meeting his gaze as he took one more look at her, before leaving.

"It's no problem," he'd said. And quietly left the apartment.

Once she was alone, she let the tears fall freely from her eyes. She didn't think it would be so hard asking this from Trevor, even though she knew it was for the best, for all of them. The rest of the morning and afternoon went by uneventfully. The sun was now setting and she was situated in the middle of the living room, stuffed animals and colorful bricks tossed around on the carpet. Noah was sitting in the middle of them bubbling happily. Olivia picked up a stuffed monkey and started making funny noises while Noah bursted in giggles.

The sound of keys unlocking the door put a halt to her movements, but Olivia didn't think about stopping, the way she did when she heard the initial sound of brass chiming with metal. It really wasn't wise for her to give him the upper power like that, the last thing she needed was a repeat of last night. The moment Brian appeared in the doorway, Noah, as if he sensed her uneasiness, started making soft whimpering noises. Immediately Olivia pulled him in her lap and rubbed his back, as Brian was making his way towards them. Olivia cringed at how he was towering above them so she stood up.

"Hey babe," He said placing a soft peck on her lips "How's my little guy?" he tickled Noah's belly affectionately earning a smile from the baby.

Olivia's mind was racing, a mile a minute. She was positive that she had minutes, maybe even seconds before Brian took a turn for the worst. He was the classic Dr. Jekhyll, Mr. Hyde, that she had ever had the pleasure of meeting on just about every DV case, and the son of a bitch was in her living room, pretending that everything was ok. Olivia stifled back a scoff, and smiled at him. And God help her if she didn't make it believable.

"He's doing great...we're uh, glad to have you home."

"I'm glad to be home," Brian smiled at her, and rolled up his sleeves as if he were preparing himself to take Noah in his arms. Like Hell.

"Hey Bri, um, dinner's in the oven, I have to go give Noah his bath," she said already moving away, in the direction of the bathroom.

"Aren't you going to come eat with me?" He asked, sounding disappointed, his arms subsequently dropping at his sides.

"He really needs to take his bath, it's nearly his bedtime," she said almost apologetically.

"I'll feed him when you're done," he offered.

"You know, it's ok. I'm trying to get him down on a system, so..." Olivia answered.

"Sure you are." There it was again. That switch. She chose not to answer and left quietly. It took Olivia all but five minutes to get a warm bath running for Noah. She'd put him in one of the tubs Trevor bought, and gave him a few of the rubber toys she'd picked out at the department store. She was kneeling beside him, gently brushing a soapy rag down his body when she heard stumbling in something and cursing. Instinctively she leaned almost fully over the tub as if to cover Noah, and flinched when Brian barged into the bathroom.

"These damn toys are everywhere," Brian said irritated, rubbing his foot as he had stepped onto one of Noah's bricks.

"I'll tidy them up afterwards," she said carefully. Pick your battles Olivia, she kept repeating to herself as she made her way into the bathroom. You wanna win this war, you have to learn to pick your battles…

"What the hell are you doing?" Brian frowned at her as he unzipped his jeans.

Olivia tilted her head as if to say, "What?" while she looked up at Brian.

"Why are you huddled over the baby like that?" Brian repeated, as he began to pee.

"Oh...Noah...he dropped a toy." Olivia explained, as she pulled one of the floating boats that had gone away. Brian just frowned at her, and she reluctantly let down her wall of defense. The only thing that kept her calm enough was the slight humming she began as Noah's bath continued.

"You are my sunshine. My only sunshine. You make me happy, when skies are gray..."

The next day, Olivia had dropped by the precinct for a few hours, to make sure that everything was still intact. Most of the cases were being handled well but there was one about a little boy up on the upper west side that was creating quite the buzz.

"Hey, Liv. Those test results that you wanted, they're on your desk," Amanda informed as she passed by on her way out.

"Ok, good. Did you talk to the school teacher yet?" She asked, unable to look up from the case file.

"Negative. Fin and I are on our way out now. We're talking to the school teacher and a few class mates. Apparently Jimmie's been a little more vocal than we thought."

"Alright. If you think you can get anything, write down the kids names, talk talk to the parents first and then bring everybody down here. I don't want any screw ups." Olivia sighed, as she opened the door to her office. Trevor, unbeknownst to her, was waiting for her to come in.

"Hello," he said with a big smile.

"Oh, hey… What are you doing here?" She asked smiling too. She was genuinely glad to see him. She had missed him and this thought almost terrified her.

"I've heard that you came in today and I wanted to see you.. this is neutral territory right?" He asked jokingly,

"Right. Look Trevor, about the other day…"'

"Don't even mention it. I'm just glad you were honest with me, and besides, I didn't come all the way over here to talk about the other day. Tell me about Noah? How's he?"

Olivia smirked, and sat behind her desk. "He's doing really well. He's still trying to get comfortable...everyday is new for him, you know? I think being in so many different homes has really traumatized him. Every time he wakes up, it's almost like he's surprised to see me. Like he's happy I'm still there."

"Well, we're doing everything we can to make sure that you stay there." Olivia smiled, gratefully at him.

"What's this? A Jets party?"

Olivia and Trevor simultaneously turned around and saw Brian standing in the middle of the hallway, looking bright eyed and bushy tailed. Olivia could tell he was wired. Just by the pace at which he carried himself.

"Brian… what are you doing here?" Olivia asked as he charged over to her.

"I was coming here in order to take my girlfriend out for lunch, but obviously I'm interrupting something." He said, as he ripped off his vest and threw it neatly down on the couch in her office. "I hope it's not important." Brian said, looking over his shoulder at Trevor as he approached Olivia. He grabbed her face with both hands, and kissed her square on the lips. Olivia immediately put her hands on his to bring him down, but it was useless without making it look like Brian was hurting her. She just had to take it, and everything that Brian had offered, which was a very descriptive kiss in Olivia's opinion. One better preformed in private then in front of someone else.

But by the time she had to think about all of that, Brian was finished, and smiling at her. "Hi sweetie," he whispered, pecking her lips again and then her forehead for good measure before letting go of her head.

"I was just checking in," Trevor spoke up almost immediately after it was over.

"Are you sure? I can leave you two alone." He said in a sarcastic voice. A voice Olivia knew way to well for her to just let it slip by. She immediately got up from her seat so that she was standing beside him.

"Come on Bri don't be like that…Let's go, we'll talk over lunch." Olivia said tiredly and moved to leave, but Brian wasn't budging. He was staring Trevor intently, who returned the gaze with even more force.

"Brian… come on….Goodbye, Trevor. I'll call you." She said more steadily this time and nudged Brian away by taking his hand in hers. She was able to lead him out of the precinct without any kind of hassle- thankfully. It wasn't until they got into the elevator that things got bad. "Bri-

"Not a fucking word."

Olivia remained silent throughout the elevator ride, but when they entered the garage where Brian had parked, he started walking fast and Olivia had to practically run to keep up with him.

"Brian come on, don't be like that…" she plead. Suddenly he stopped and she almost bumped into him

Brian hoisted her up by the pit of her arms and slammed her body up against his truck. The impact made a gruesome echo in the empty lot. "Don't be like what? Don't be like what?" He yelled. "Like that circus freak, with his fancy ties, and jim cropped hair? Why not? Huh? I thought it turned you on." Olivia was speechless. She had stared at him so long without blinking that her eyes began to tear.

Brian grunted in fury before driving his fist hot on the side of Olivia's body, making ferocious contact with the red steel of his Ford. Olivia shuddered, literally gasping out loud when she realized that it could have been her that he hit. She trembled when she realized that he almost hit her. He let her slide down off the side of his car before ruthlessly shoving her out of the way.

"Get in the fucking car. I'm taking you home." Brian shouted, before slamming his door shut. From out of the shadows, Trevor had seen everything.

* * *

><p><strong>DUN DUN OOOUUUUU WHAT'S BRIAN GOING TO DO?! WHAT'S TREVOR GOING TO DO?!<strong>


	5. Chapter 5

**kazjaz13:** What's going to happen? Please update love the chapter!:)

**katechoco: Update is here!**

**trinbitch:** HOLY FUCK! I can't wait to see what Trevor does now Brian's a total FUCKING DOUCHE Olivia should put a complaint on his ass ugh he pisses me off please update

**katechoco: wait till you read this, he will piss you off even more, if it's possible!**

**4evabenson:** choice in this trevor should be with liv

**katechoco:** **hmmm maybe you should wait and see ;)**

**aspurgeon:** Wow, Brian is ridiculous! I hope Trevor puts him in his place! And I hope Olivia the strong woman she is tells him to get lost! There's no way Olivia would let that continue.

**Katechoco: go Liv! #badassbenson must be put into action!**

**southernbelle843:** IM MORE CONCERNED ABOUT WHAT M

**katechoco: we're concerned too :P**

**guest**: I am loving this story! Please update soon :)

**katechoco**: thank you! Wait no more, the update is here

**Merry Christmas to everyone who was celebrating! Are you ready for some more? Things are getting heavy!**

* * *

><p>Olivia didn't say one word the entire ride home. As soon as she got inside, she walked as quickly as she could into the bedroom, with Brian following in high pursuit.<p>

"What the hell are you doing?" he asked as she opened the closed and started rummaging through the clothes.

"You're leaving. Now." She said as she threw some of his t-shirts on the bed and went back to find the rest. "I want you out of this apartment, within the next ten minutes. So get your stuff, pack your things and get the hell out," she spat and resumed throwing his clothes on the bed before, pushing a bag into Brian's chest. He looked so infuriated, so angry, that Olivia thought he was going to explode.

"Why?" His voice was so blank, so unfilled with emotion, that Olivia felt herself shiver with anticipation.

"Why? How about the way you manhandled me back at the precinct's garage? Or this passive aggressive thing you've been doing ever since you moved back in? Or…" She was about to mention the other night but something stopped her. It was as if, she hadn't still accept the fact that Brian would do something like that.

"Or what?"

"Look Brian, it doesn't matter. The point is I'm sick and tired of having to tip toe around you in my own home. You're like a ticking time bomb. I don't know what's gotten into you, but I can't afford to sit here and wait until the next time you decide to blow up. It's not safe and it's not healthy, especially with Noah around."

"You're covering for him and that's the best you can come up with?" Brian scoffed, throwing the bag down on the floor so he could fold his arms around his chest.

"Oh please. You and I, both know this is not about Trevor. This is about you." Olivia argued, strutting out of the room and back out into the hall where she could begin to pick up Noah's toys.

"So this is about Noah then?"

"Unbelievable. Yes this is about Noah. You're not safe enough for him to be around. End of story. You're unpredictable, you either can't or you won't control yourself. I mean Brian, let's be real here. You're not making this easy for me. When we got back together, I told you that Noah would be my first priority."

"So what. You lose him. He goes back into the system. And we can't have a family of our own? I mean you can play house with the big shot lawyer right, but you can't be seen with the likes of me?" Brian perched himself up on the side of the wall, eyeing her from head to toe. "You have some nerve Olivia…After everything I did for you…after coming back to help you raise that poor baby…this is how you repay me?" he said, still awfully calm.

"Believe me. I'd say I was doing you a favor."

"Is that right?" Brian echoed. She never saw it coming. Brian's calm exterior made her drop her guard. The next thing she knew, he had grabbed her and threw her into the side of the wall. Shelves, pictures and books all came tumbling down with a loud crash.

"You ungrateful bitch," Brian said quietly before kicking her square in the face. Olivia re-flexed quicker than he thought she would, and she was clawing her way up on the floor. Before he knew it she was up on her feet, sprinting for her room, and he was only too happy to run after her. He grabbed her by the hair and slammed her head into the door before she could reach it. They both came stumbling into the room without caution.

From the floor Olivia could see the apartment phone on the floor just within reach.

"Let me go Brian!" she shouted, squirming underneath him, trying to set free, but gasped when he slapped her with force across her face.

"You think you are so much better than me? Huh? You think you can just walk away from me you bitch!" He shouted.

"Fuck you!" She shouted back and kneed him directly on his groin. He fell back cursing and Olivia managed to move away and fall from the bed with a thud. She shot up but Brian kicked the back of her leg and she fell back to the floor.

"Come here, you fucking little whore!" He yelled and straddled her waist immobilizing her completely.

Olivia's body suddenly went limp and images from the other night flooded her mind. This wasn't happening, not again…

"I own you Olivia," He whispered threateningly into her ear before biting it. She whimpered in pain but then, Brian's weight was lifted off her. Panting fast and hard, she saw Trevor grabbing Brian by the collar of his shirt and slamming him to the wall.

"You son of a bitch" Trevor growled and punched him hard in the stomach. Brian let out a yelp. Before Olivia realized what was happening, Trevor had punched him three more times.

"Stop, Trevor stop!" She yelled desperately. She didn't know why, there was no doubt that Brian deserved it, but she wouldn't let Trevor be that person…

Miraculously enough, Trevor heard her and let Brian fall down.

"Leave. Now." Olivia said with the steadier voice she could manage to Brian.

"Olivia he…"

"Trevor no. Brian, I won't say it a second time. Leave. And don't ever come near me or Noah again." She commanded, her eyes sending daggers to him.

Without a second word, Brian turned around and left clutching his ribs as he went. Trevor and Olivia stood completely still until they heard the front door slamming. The sound of the door closing had regurgitated Olivia's air flow. Blood came rushing to from her head and she collapsed against the side of the wall. Trevor watched her idly for a few minutes, waiting to see if she was in any real need of medical attention, but as far as he could tell, she was in an utter state of shock.

Treading carefully, he stepped up to her, but he couldn't find the guts to go try and touch her.

"Are you ok?" he asked. "Did he hit you?"

"Ah... just…he just punched me that's all. I..I'm fine"

"Like hell you are. Liv…"

"Trevor… don't. Just don't," Trevor glared at her before letting himself into her kitchen. He found a bag of peas in the back of the fridge. Without hesitation he crushed them against the counter and covered them up with a paper towel. He met her back at the wall, completely unafraid this time, to put his hands on her. She flinched when she felt the icy sensation on the side of her lip.

"Where's Noah?"

"He's uh, at the park. With the sitter. I asked her to..to take him out when I got home from work."

"How long has this been going on?" He asked quietly.

"Uh, not long. A couple...couple days...since we got back together, but today he just kind of...exploded. He pushed me in the precinct's parking lot…"

"I know."

Olivia raised her head and looked at him confused.

"I saw you. That's why I came here. I had a bad feeling and I wanted to check on you. I heard the voices from the hallway and I came inside using my key. Olivia… are you sure he's never done this before?"

"No…he….no" She said firmly. She knew that she was lying through her teeth but what could she do? She was embarrassed, and absolutely could not bring herself on telling Trevor.

"You should press charges, get a restraining order"

Olivia shook her head, her eyes glistening. "I can't," she breathed.

"Are you serious Olivia? You of all people…."

"If I press charges or get a restraining order, it will go into my adoption file. You know as well as I do, that this is the nail in the coffin of my chances on adopting Noah." She spat. Trevor stared at her for some seconds, trying to find a suitable answer, but in the end he just sighed.

"That's not true," Trevor argued, his brows frowning in confusion.

"Oh really? A decorated cop, gets pushed around by her ex boyfriend. Can't even protect herself, how is she gonna protect a city? Or better yet, how is she going to protect an infant little boy?" Olivia through the peas down on the table. "I'm not stupid."

"And you've thought of every possible-

"Yes." Olivia sighed. "If there was another way, I'd do it, but right now I need to be patient. As soon as Noah is legally mine and they can't take him away, then I'll press charges."

Trevor studied Olivia, already mocking up a demolition case file for Brian.

"You're going to need some help." Trevor said finally. "I'll get the glass, and you should call a locksmith."

"What?"

"He still has a key doesn't he? You need to change it now." Trevor said, in all seriousness. "Here, borrow my phone." He pitched Olivia his cell, and she'd found someone immediately. They were able to fix most of it by the time the sitter returned with Noah. Trevor took care of her pay and everything so Olivia didn't have to face her.

She felt so ridiculous hiding in the back while he took care of everything. She kept trying to focus on what a complete and total shambles her room was and decided to clean at least part of it to get the edge off. It hadn't been much, but she couldn't stand to not do anything. She needed to remind herself that she was still in control. That she was still capable of doing what she wanted and what was needed to be done.

Trevor knocked on her door just a few minutes later. "Hey, the sitter's gone. Coast is clear."

"Oh, ok..." Olivia said softly. Noah was smiling at her while he chewed on his little fist. Olivia took him immediately, feeling infinitely better as soon as she got the chance to hold him. It felt so good to be loved in that sort of innocent way, Olivia reflected. Noah was a baby, he couldn't part one mark on her skin from the rest of her natural grown body. He loved and clung to Olivia in that infantile way, and she cherished him for that. He made her feel wanted.

Olivia slowly swayed with him on her shoulder, rubbing his back in strong maternal strokes as she left her room behind. Trevor followed lightly behind. "I'm gonna stay the night," he said.

Olivia was taken back by his bluntness, even grateful for his care, but she really didn't think it was a good idea. "We'll be fine Trevor. Believe me, Brian isn't coming back. I'm sure of it."

"Olivia," Trevor rose his voice. "You're home alone. The locksmith doesn't come until morning. You were just attacked. Please don't argue with me. I understand if you feel uncomfortable, but you're really in no position to tell me not to do anything. Whether you like it or not, I'm going to be here if that son of a bitch decides to come back. I have no problem sleeping on the couch."

"Trevor..." Olivia opened her mouth, even said his name, but she couldn't think of anything to say to him that would make him leave. She gave in before she could realize it. "There are a few blankets and an extra pillow in the guest room."

"And what about Noah? Is everything taken care of? Does he need anything?"

"He's fine. Really," Olivia answered, grabbing a new bottle from out of the microwave. "Just uh...make yourself at home." Trevor gritted his teeth together to keep from saying anything else before stalking off and cleaning the rest of the mess. He was frustrated to say the least. He really liked Olivia, and he was upset that she was in such a bad position. All he had to go off of, was his own self confidence. Trevor swore that he wouldn't let anything happen to her. From here on out, he was here to stay, and they were going to do this thing together.

The new boost of energy was enough to keep him going. He let her have the next hour or so to herself and then he decided her should go check on her. She was just putting Noah in his crib when he walked in behind her. "Hey," he whispered. She glanced over her shoulder before reluctantly walking over towards him.

"Hey, is everything ok?" she whispered.

"Yeah, everything's fine. I uh...I think your shelf is gone for good though. I tried to piece it back together but it got banged up pretty bad. I can take you to Ikea to get a new one tomorrow if you like."

"No, don't worry about it. I was going to redecorate anyway." Trevor couldn't help but smirk.

"Sure you were," he mumbled. "Are you hungry?" Olivia let out a deep exhale and then shrugged. "I make a mean grilled cheese sandwich." Trevor boasted."What do you say?"

"Okay," Olivia breathed.

And from then on, she was a subject of Trevor's care. Olivia studied his tall frame as he beat the spatula against the iron pot on her stove. The buttered bread grilling in her kitchen made her mouth water, and she was grateful that she hadn't talked him out of not cooking. She was, as she noticed, despairingly hungry. Thankfully, a plate was set in front of her just seconds later and she inhaled the sandwich. Trevor cleaned up while she ate, and tried not to make things so awkward for her. He could tell she was still having trouble warming up to him, but he didn't care. Whatever it took, he told himself.

"Thank you." Olivia had said, when she finished her meal. Trevor was still cleaning.

"Yeah, don't worry about it." He shut the water down and turned to face her standing behind him. She held the plate for him to take, but her eyes were connected with his. Without thinking, Trevor put both his hands on the side of her face and rubbed the spot where Brian hit her. "I don't think it will bruise," he said in a soft, soothing voice that made Olivia shiver. Tenderness. His touch reminded her of Elliot, but she didn't have the nerve to say or do anything about it. Somehow, on some level she needed that right now. And it felt good. Really, really, good.

She closed her eyes and soaked up as much as she could. And that's when she felt Trevor's lips warm on her forehead. He planted the most comforting kiss on her head before wrapping his arms around her. "Let's get you to bed Benson. You've got a long day ahead of you," Trevor whispered. With him glued behind her, Olivia lead him to her room, and he very politely stood there watching her get ready for bed. Olivia was fluffing her pillows when she turned to look at him. He was standing there in the middle of her door way, a small smile just on the tip of his lips.

"Are you going to be ok?" she asked as she leaned on to her bed.

"Will you?" Trevor echoed.

"I'll be fine," she replied, even though she didn't quite believe the words herself. Frowning she rubbed the sore spot of her collarbone, and pulled a pillow off of her bed to give to him. "Here," she offered. "I changed the sheets before I put Noah to bed. There as uh, good as new."

"Alright then," he said softly. "I'll see you in the morning."

"Good night," Olivia said in the same gentle tone, as she hung on her door.

And that was the start of a very good night's sleep, because the next morning when Olivia woke up it was 10am. She rolled over in her bed to check the time, the same as she did every morning and couldn't believe how much she'd over slept. She checked her phone, checked her agenda. Thank God there were no missed calls, but she was expected to be at work, and she the sitter hadn't arrived, and Noah- She had slept through Noah's wake up time. Olivia panicked as she jumped out of bed. She knew Trevor wanted to stay over but what if it was a ruse? She hadn't heard him either. Did he take Noah away?

Olivia flew into her hallway, her heart pounding when she still didn't hear anything. She started to hyperventilate but then she had seen two very large feet hanging off the edge of her couch. Trevor was lying there sleeping with Noah on his chest. The sight of them together, in the sweetest little position made Olivia red and warm. It was so sweet and nurturing that she couldn't help but smile. She ran her fingers through Trevor's hair in attempt to wake him up, but he was knocked out. So much for that, Olivia thought.

She breathed a sigh of relief, rolling off all of her previous anxiety before retreating to the kitchen where she could make everyone breakfast. On her way she texted Fin and told him that she'd be in late today, and to call if there were any emergencies. he promised to hold down the fort but warned that she might be needed with a new case. Olivia kept a mental note of that and then focused on her pancakes. God help her, she was going to start this day off right.

* * *

><p><strong>You know, they make such a nice family. I can't believe what happens to them...<strong>


	6. Chapter 6

**REVIEWS**

**fayevdm:** Trevor reminded her of Elliot! Sigh Really made me smile :) Hope you've thought up some wicked demise for Brian!

**MMMMHHHMMMM DON'T WORRY. WE SOLEMNLY SWEAR WE ARE UP TO NO GOOD. **

**kazjaz13:** Please update soon!

**WAS IT SOON? WAS IT SOON? WAS IT SOON?**

**franielloyd:** I like this story. there is so much angst with the Brian situation, I wish that Olivia would admit to herself that Brian r*** her, and by not telling anyone only made it worse. Oh well that is how alot of these story begin and you have definitely put a twist on the story with Trevor. I would love to see Trevor and Live get together on the show, it would be great. Thanks for writing.

**AAAA THANK YOU! YES, THERE'S ANGST, AND YEST, THERE ARE TWISTS- THEY'RE OUR SPECIALTY. GLAD TO HAVE YOU ON BOARD WITH US**

* * *

><p>Olivia's fingers trembled as she touched the tender lining of her torso in her bathroom mirror. Her stomach felt warm and tight, as if she'd just taken the beating of her life. She arched her brow as she turned to examine her side. There had been no change. Maybe she was just...over doing it. She hadn't really slept much since she kicked Brian out, and hallucinations were subject to happen if you weren't manageable about how much time you did rest.<p>

But when was she ever going to find the time to do that? Between work and Noah, she hadn't been able to stop-

The knock on the other side of the door made Olivia jump. She braced herself against the bathroom counter to keep from falling onto the floor. She was shaking as she listened out for the voice on the other end of the door.

"Hey, Liv you in there?"

Trevor.

He had agreed to babysit for Noah today while she went to work, just like he had been every Sunday for the past two months. He was always early, and he was always there making sure that everything went smoothly, that she and Noah were happy, and safe, and healthy. So why was she so bothered by him today?

Feeling herself give into the anxiety of the past couple of weeks she exhaled sharply, breathing through the dizzy spell that plagued her all week for the past month or so.

"Yeah- just...just a sec," she called out, shoving her clothes back down, while simultaneously turning on the warm water. She looked at herself in the mirror as her eyes watered. The steam fogged her reflection, but even then it was hard to hide how tired she was. But now was certainly no time for her to feel sorry for herself. She splashed the warm water in her face and let that be the end of it for now. She'd have plenty of time to rest tonight, when she got home from work- which as it turned out wasn't any easier to deal with than the exhaustion itself.

She sighed as she walked into her office and dropped her things onto her desk. She had yet to sit in her chair when Amanda knocked on her door and let herself in.

"Hey, got a DB on Canal. Dispatch called it in about a half a minute ago. Says it might be something to look at."

Olivia nodded. "Alright, where's Amaro?"

"He's finishing up some stuff from last night's file."

"Tell him to get ready. You stay here with Fin on call."

"What about the new guy?" Amanda replied.

Olivia frowned, and shut her eyes. The New Guy. Her new recruit was coming in today for an interview. She'd forgotten all about it. She exhaled deeply. "Is he here?"

"Not yet."

"Tell him to stay put 'til we get back. I'll deal with him after we get a few leads." Amanda nodded and left her alone. Olivia glanced down at her clock. 8:02 am. She stared at her things on her desk and she wondered if she'd be pushing it if she grabbed a cup of coffee. She thought about it for a moment, and then ultimately decided against it. She didn't even feel like she could take tea.

Nick stared at her oddly. "You sure? My treat."

"Yeah, no. Don't worry about it. I think I'm just going to grab something to eat." Olivia answered as they left the precinct.

"Alright, then. Let me drive. I know a spot on the way. We can be in and out in less than two." Olivia obliged. Nick had kept his word about it not taking too long. After all, Olivia was no fan of showing up to a crime scene late. When it came to evidence, every minute counted.

"So I got you, a breakfast sandwich and a iced coffee, you know just in case. You might want to eat up, I hear it's pretty heavy down there. Guy must've pulled a real number..." Nick went on, but Olivia wasn't listening. "Liv?" No answer. "Liv?"

"What-what?" She pulled herself away from the window.

Nick frowned. "Are you sure you're ok? You haven't said two words all morning."

"I'm fine. I'm just thinking about the case..." Olivia replied.

"Well, we're here so..."

Olivia rolled her eyes and hopped out of the car, approaching the scene. She could already see CSU landscaping the place. It must've been pretty bad for their to be so many of them working in the same place at once. Spotting Melinda by the body, she gravitated towards her for answers.

"What do we got?" she asked as she approached.

"Single white female, 26 years old, from Tampa. Name's Jessica Winmore." Melinda replied.

"Like the politician?" Olivia frowned.

"For your sake, you better hope not. Perps dumped her body here after the assault."

"Perps. As in more than one?"

"I would assume so. With the amount of excess fluids left behind." Melinda turned one of Jessica's limbs over so Olivia could see. Most of the body was covered by a white sheet, but it was clear that their were fluids on her. "There's no way all of that came from one person, and she was covered like that from neck to toe." Olivia's eyes widened.

"You don't mean he..."

Melinda nodded. "We still haven't found it yet."

"Well it's gotta be around here somewhere. No way he took it home as a souvenir," Olivia creased her brows grimacing at what she was saying.

"It's possible. I didn't find any blood trails that would have indicated he beheaded her here anyway. It could be on his dinner table or half way down the Hudson by now."

"Alright, anything else?"

"There's a stamp on the inside of her left wrist. Given the state of it, I'd say it's a few days old but I took an extra photo for you. Might belong to a club."

"Thanks," Olivia mumbled, heading back to the car. Olivia hardly ate on her way back to precinct. She was too antsy with the details from the case. As soon as she and Nick got back she threw the stamp on Fin and Rollins, and immediately started pulling up information on Jessica's family.

"'Cause when you vote Winmore, everybody wins more." John Winmore's voice echoed in the back of Olivia's head as she exited out of his campaign video. She scrolled through some more intimate documents. Divorce records, high school diplomas-

There was another knock on her door. She jumped for what seemed like the upteenth time that day, and feverishly annoyed stared up at her door, waiting for whatever it was this time.

"Detective Dominick Carisi, jr. Please to make your acquaintance ma'am."

Olivia stared at the kid in front of her, and almost shook her head in dismay. She asked for someone calm, compassionate, patient. They sent her someone so fresh off the books, that he was probably still trigger happy from everything he learned at the academy. He practically screamed, headache. She deliberately thought about what she was going to say to him, because there was so much she wanted to pick at.

The fact that he walked into her office unannounced was one thing, then on top of that, he was everything but what she asked for. He was probably under qualified, or some lousy hand me down, and he smelled like cheap cologne.

"Welcome to SVU," she managed, after she finally found it in herself to pull away from her work.

"Pleasures all mine. This your family?" Carisi pointed to a picture of Trevor and Noah on her desk. "Cute kid. Bet the Kaiser must love that."

"Excuse me?"

"Your boy. What's he German? I'd put you around 5' 7" myself, and you ain't no broad. You're into the fancy stuff. Bet he wears a suit on Sundays. What's he 6' 4-

"6'5"."

"Must be German. And just between you and me I hear they have huge-

"Woah, ok." Olivia was impressed to say the least, if not terribly disturbed. Carisi hadn't spent less than a minute looking at the photo of Trevor and Noah on her desk and he had all but nailed him to the T, although she couldn't speak for that last part. She stared up at the rookie who was grinning down at her as if she was some bashful high school teenager with a crush on the jock team. "Let's focus on you for the rest of the interview."

"Where are you from?"

"Downtown."

"This is downtown," Olivia squinted her eyes.

"I meant Coney Island."

"Coney island?"

"Yeah, did some time there, had me in Brooklyn for a bit, then I was sent to Queens before they dumped me up in the Bronx"

"That's quite a rap. Must be pretty special to keep moving from one place to the other."

"I try not to call it a popularity contest, but what can I say. They love me."

Olivia doubted that. "So why'd they send you here?"

Olivia's alarm went off, and the color drained from her face.

"Said you needed an extra pair of hands. Now that you mention it, I see why." Olivia stared at him. If he could pick through the details of her personal life from one picture, she had a feeling he could pick through her too. She cringed as she thought of what he saw.

"We're uh, gonna have to pick this up later. I have somewhere to be."

"Of course you do." Olivia opened the door to her office.

"Ok, Nick, Rollins head down to the night club."

"Fin this is detective Carisi, I want you guys to head up town. Find Winmore. He's got a press conference until 3. Give him the scoop. See if he knows anything."

"Liv?"

"What!" she shouted. The entire squad looked at her like she had lost her head. She took a deep breath. Carisi snorted a laugh and she glared at him. "Warner's got a hit on the system." Nick answered. "One of the samples belongs to someone we know."

"Well then let's get him in here," She answered more calmly.

The squad began to break. "Liv, is everything ok? You've been all over the place this morning. What's going on?"

Nick asked quietly. "I'm fine...I just...haven't slept. Noah's sick. I can't..."

"Alright. I get it. We'll give you some space. I'll let Fin know."

Olivia nodded and retreated back to her office. Then she remembered she had to pee. Under an hour later, Fin and Carisi came back with their first suspect.

"Tim Ruffo-

"Look am I under arrest or something?"

"No, I just need you to answer a few questions that's all." Olivia replied to the forty something' year old. He was a nobody. He reeked of mustard, the kind you got at the baseball stadium, and he was commonly over weight. He was probably a union worker, some janitor at some building, no one looked twice at. And yet he was in the middle of her case. "Where were you last night, around eleven a clock?"

"Home, feeding the cat."

"Sure about that?"

"Would I lie to you, sweetheart?"

Olivia smirked. "I guess so." Tim frowned. "Want to explain to me how your DNA showed up on this girl's body?" Olivia showed him Jessica's photos.

"Jesus...christ. Who the hell is that?"

"That's Jessica Winmore, Mr. Ruffo. The girl you gang raped, and beheaded."

"Woah, woah, woah. Hold up. I did not rape anyone. What happened last night was consensual."

"I thought you were feeding your cat." Olivia answered.

"Look. I'll tell you everything I know. Just get me a lawyer."

Carisi and Fin watched on the other side of the window. "That guy didn't do it."

"Says who?" Fin shot back.

"Lawyered up way too quick."

"Could be because he's in the hot seat." Fin argued.

"Nah. Involved, definitely. He admitted to that. But he don't know shit. Fifty bucks says he's just another clue."

"Fifty?" Fin's eyes widened.

"Gotta make the dough somehow." Carisi replied, patting the veteran on his back. Olivia exhaled tiredly and shut the door with a bang.

"Everything ok Sarge?" Fin quipped.

"Yeah."

"Look, liv. I'm not stupid. I've been working with you for over fifteen years now. Don't give me that panzee shit. Something's up with you."

"I'm fine Fin."

"And I bet that's what Jessica Winmore said, before she took on twenty dudes. Look do yourself a favor and go home. I got this. You're not helping anyone with the traffic jam you got going through your head right now. Nick told me Noah's sick. Go home Liv. I'll call you if something blows up." Olivia looked at her colleague apologetically. "I don't even want to hear it." Fin said.

And just like that Olivia was on her way home. Just a few hours, she told herself. Just get something to eat, and deal with it tomorrow, she said. When she arrived Trevor and Noah were playing with his blocks. Olivia was about to make them dinner, when he'd been called away to work, leaving her alone, which for her was not a good thing.

All she wanted was to tell someone what she'd been through today. She needed to speak to someone about what had happened but what was she supposed to do now? As she stood over her stove, she wanted to cry. She was just about to let herself too, when she got a text from Cragen letting her know that he was there. Fin must've filled him in. He probably wanted to see how she was doing. She buzzed him in, despite her physical warnings not to. She had only had the time to let him in before she needed to retreat further into her apartment.

"Liv?"

He closed the door behind him and looked at the living room confused. Noah was on his playpen, babbling happily. Cragen smiled at his sight. He looked so happy, so much bigger and healthier than the last time he saw him. And that was only after being two months under Olivia's care.

"Olivia?" He asked again. She was there. She had buzzed him into the building but now she was nowhere to be seen. He heard the food cackling on the stove. She was going to burn something. Quickly he turned the fire off, and put his focus back on Olivia. She would never leave the stove on with Noah in the same room. "Liv?"

A muffling sound came then from the direction of the bathroom. Cragen walked carefully towards its direction not wanting to invade her privacy, but then he heard the unmistakable sound of retching. He walked a few more steps until he reached the semi opened door from where he could clearly see Olivia huddled over the toilet.

"Are you ok Liv?" He asked opening the door completely. She flushed the toilet, and moaned letting her head fall against the cold tiles of the wall "No not really..."

She looked utterly exhausted and pale.

"Why didn't you tell me you were sick? I could have come another day..."

"No, it's ok. I want you to be here..." The urgency in her voice startled him. She sighed and slowly lifted herself up. She rinsed her mouth with some water from the sink and nodded to Cragen to follow her at the living room.

There, she smiled affectionately at Noah who once he spotted her his whole face lit up.

"Come here sweet boy" she cooed lifting him up in her arms and situating him on her hip where he instantly snuggled at her shoulder. Cragen watched the interaction with a big smile on his face.

"Motherhood looks good on you Liv"

She smiled and placed a soft kiss on Noah's head.

"Thanks. He's an amazing little boy"

She sat down at the couch and he sat beside her.

"Are you sure you're ok?" he asked again worried.

"I'm not sick. At least I don't think I am..." She said in a small voice. "Oh, god. The food!"

"It's ok. I took care of it." Cragen replied.

"Did I burn it?" she asked, falling back into the couch.

"Just a little."

Cragen examined her for a minute. She seemed off. He knew her all too well, and cared for her too much to not feel worried by the vibe she was giving him.

"Liv, is...is everything ok?" He asked, giving her some time to gather her thoughts. He half expected her to give him her usual "I'm fine," so she took him by surprise when she stammered and buried her face to Noah's head who was now lying peacefully against her.

"I...I.. I just thought that I could put it behind me, you know? Pretend that it never happened, for Noah's sake, I couldn't fuss too much about it... So I kicked him out and I thought that that would be the end of it..." She half mumbled half sobbed.

"Olivia... what are you talking about?" He asked her gently but inside him all the alarms were going off. He had heard the same words over and over again through his career in special victims.

Olivia took a deep breath. She knew that it was now or never.

"He came back...when I got custody of Noah and he wanted in. I decided to give it a try, because I thought that it would be the best for Noah to have a male figure in his life too. But he was... changed... He could be all sweet the one minute and lashing out the next. I didn't know what to make out of it... And then one day... He took us to a fair. It was great, Noah was laughing all the time, we were all so happy..." Olivia sniffed and wiped a tear away. Cragen placed his hand softly on her knee, urging her to continue.

"When we got home, he saw some papers that Trevor had dropped by for me to sign and he flipped, he started accusing me that I liked him and we had an affair. When we went to bed he..." She choked and Cragen tried to keep a calm posture but his heart was beating so fast, he thought it would jump off his chest.

"... He started saying that I had to show him that I wanted him... His hands were all over me, I froze.. I... I never thought that he would continue but he did..."

At this moment she couldn't take it any longer. She started sobbing hard.

"It hurt..." She said between tears, her sobs similar to that of a child who has fallen and hurt her knee. "When he was done I didn't know what to do... I mean I didn't say yes but I didn't say no either, I just sat there..." Her whole body was trembling. Cragen couldn't stand it any longer so he reached and wrapped his arms protectively around her, shushing her and mumbling reassurances. She cuddled Noah closer and sobbed.

"It hurt..." She mumbled again and behind her glassy eyes, scenes from that night were playing. She gasped and felt as if she was suffocating. Cragen noticed and loosen his hug. "And now this..."

"Liv, it's ok... Breathe honey... You are ok now. I am here with you, Noah is here... You are safe..." He spoke in a soothing voice trying to ground her.

Slowly she snapped back and buried her face in Noah's hair, taking in his sweet scent.

"I understand why you didn't report it and I don't blame you. But if you want to, you should know that I will support you."

Olivia shook her head.

"I don't want to see him ever again... I can't. He'll know..."

"Know what, Liv?"

"I just didn't think that he would...I told myself that I would wait a few days and then tell him that it's just isn't working... Tell him to leave, but then he came to the precinct precinct and saw Trevor there and he just lost it... He dragged me home, he threatened me. When we got back, I told him that he had to leave and he... he attacked me...threw me to the floor... I don't know what he would have done if Trevor hadn't come in and kicked him out... "

"Trevor was here?" Cragen pointed gently.

Liv sighed and smiled softly.

"He's good to us. He has helped me a lot. But I don't know if he will be willing to stick around after he finds out..."

Cragen looked at her confused. "About a month ago, I started noticing some...things. I didn't want to even think the possibility but then... I started getting sick and nauseous and well... my period never came so..." She took a deep breath and Cragen held his, because he knew what was coming, he just knew...

"...I'm pregnant."

* * *

><p><strong>this too shall pass. MOVING ON<strong>


	7. Chapter 7

**REVIEWS**

**mitzi. a. jones: **OMG I love this story! Yay! This is so good! Brian needs to be PUNISHED though.! Great story! Can't wait for the next update!

**HEY. I LOVE YOU. I LOVE YOU SO GOOD. - THIS! LOL. BRIAN WILL BE PUNISHED ;) GLAD YOU LIKED IT.**

**Katechoco: so glad you like the story so far! And yeah Brian needs to be PUNISHED :P**

**southernbelle843: **OH SHIT. LIFE JUST GOT CLUDDERED.

**YYYYYAAAAAAAHHHHHHSSS BAE! ON POINT! ON FLEEK! ON FLEEK POINT!**

**Katechoco: Oh shit! And you haven't seen nothing yet….**

**britkneerose: **Can I just say I hate Brian in this story. -_- and THIS WOULD HAPPEN TO LIV ugh

***SIGH* SO. YOU HAVE FIGURED OUT MY EVIL MASTER PLAN -_- LOL! OK THE FACE IN BETWEEN IS EVERYTHING. I EFFING LOVE IT.**

**Katechoco: We hate Brian too! I think its pretty obvious though lol :P**

**claire: **Wow this is awesome, love it!

**YOU KNOW WHAT'S AWESOME? YOU.**

**Katechoco: thank you! Hope you like this chapter too ;)**

**claire: **HOLY FRIG WHO THE HELL IS THE FARTHER BRIAN OR TREVOR !

**LOL! I GUESS IT JUST DEPENDS ON HOW YOU LOOK AT IT**

**Katechoco: Kate is right, it's a matter of perception dear! **

They both sat on the couch staring at Noah, who was playing contently on the carpet in front of them unaware of all the drama that was taking place.

"Is there even a choice here?" Liv spoke first.

"You know there is…"

Cragen's words wrapped around Olivia like a warm blanket. She loved their talks together. He always knew what to say, even if she didn't always believe in what he meant.

"Not for me."

"You are not your mother Liv."

She chuckled bitterly and turned to look at Cragen. "You keep saying that," she said softly. Cragen waited for her to give him a reason not to, and then she did. "Given all that's happened, I can't for the life of me, find what makes us so different."

"Life is all about choices. Whatever your mother did, she chose to do. Serena chose to do all the good and all the bad. There's no questioning that. But I know that the woman who's standing in front of me, the woman I got to know and love as a daughter for the last sixteen years, will not only make the right choices, but the better ones. You are not your genes, Olivia. Noah's not his genes and neither is this baby. I have faith in you, Liv. It's time to have some for yourself."

She shook her head and sighed.

"Have you thought about what you're going to do with Brian?"

"I can't tell him. I don't want to. He absolutely cannot be in this child's life."

"You said it yourself that he hasn't appeared since you kicked him out."

"I know and it drives me crazy! Every time I go out, I'm afraid that he'll be there waiting for me. "

"Liv you know that you can't continue to live like that. If and when he comes back we will deal with it. And you have to remember that you are not alone. I'm here for you every step of the way. And I'm sure that Trevor will be too, if you let him"

Olivia smiled and squeezed Cragen's hand softly.

"Thank you so much Don."

"Anytime Liv. Now, did you schedule a doctor's appointment?"

"First thing in the morning."

"You want me to come with you?" He asked hesitantly but Olivia shook her head smiling.

"Ah, no its fine. Really. You have done enough already. But if you're feeling up to it, you can go over there and test that lasagna to see how much is actually still eatable." They both laughed and Noah squealed making his presence known. Olivia reached and scooped him up.

"Thank God there's some apple meat turkey sauce for you mister." She said and blew a raspberry in his tummy.

The next morning, she laid back on the table and exhaled loudly. She was a ball of nerves. She pulled down the thin paper gown and let her hand rest on her stomach. She could feel the difference now, the small soft swelling that was there.

She knew she was pregnant, deep down she knew it all along. But coming to confirm it by a doctor would make it all very real, and she wasn't sure how ready she was for that.

Her line of thoughts were interrupted by her doctor whom entered the room smiling.

"Good morning Olivia," she said cheerfully looking down at her notes. "I suppose congratulations are in order?"

"Ah...yeah. If I'm not wrong about it." she exclaimed nervously.

"Well we'll find out in a minute. Please put your feet on the stirrups. We're going to do a trans-vaginal ultrasound. Just lay back and relax." The doctor said smiling seeing Olivia still fidgeting around nervously.

Olivia took a deep breath and laid back. She winced slightly feeling a pressure inside of her and closed her eyes.

"You might want to look at this," she heard the doctor saying and so she turned and saw her pointing at the screen smiling.

She averted her gaze there and saw a black and white image with a blob in the middle.

"This blob is your baby Olivia. And...it might be a little early but..." The doctor moved the wand a bit and a rhythmic sound filled the room. "That's your baby's heartbeat." she told her smiling.

Olivia was looking at the screen completely transfixed. Her feeling about this pregnancy weren't clear yet, she was more nervous than anything else, but in that moment, nothing else mattered. Seeing and hearing that her baby was real, sent Olivia to a whole other realm of emotions that she hadn't been prepared for.

Staring at the screen she could already begin to see a little baby boy or girl running around at a park with Noah, smiling and giggling. And though she hadn't expected it, the thought made her smile affectionately.

A few minutes later as the doctor completed the examination, she turned to look at her with a serious expression.

"Seeing as you're older we should monitor this pregnancy closely, but I don't see why it wouldn't be a healthy one. Your overall health is great and your reproductive system is healthier than other women your age. In fact it looks like a woman's in her late thirties, so that's great news" she finished smiling.

Olivia looked at her a bit blankly.

"Um, that's really good" she provided with a forced smile. The doctor stared at her slightly confused. Doctor Lindsey, a woman in her 60s, had Olivia as a patient for more than ten years and saw her as a daughter.

"Olivia is everything alright? I know that this pregnancy is something that you wanted for a long time. But you don't seem so excited. You know you can tell me anything right? No judgments." She said squeezing her hand softly.

Olivia shifted a bit uncomfortably.

"Me and the baby's father aren't on speaking terms. We broke up before I even find out about the pregnancy and I'm not even sure I want him to know. I just...don't want him in mine or this baby's life at all." She said firmly.

Dr Lindsey looked at her worried.

"Did he hurt you in any way Olivia? You know you can tell me if..."

"He did hurt me in some ways..." Olivia said carefully. " but I also have Noah, who I'm trying to adopt and I'm worried that I won't be able to give him the attention he deserves..." She started tearing up. "Ugh, I'm sorry... it's just a bit overwhelming.."

"Caring for two kids under the age of two can be pretty overwhelming" the doctor nodded. "Whatever questions you may have, I'll be pleased to help you Olivia. For now just relax and enjoy the pregnancy and your son."

Olivia smiled but she couldn't help keep worrying. And how could she not, with the prospect of having to tell Trevor?

Later, while she was walking down the street, her mind was running with a thousand miles per second.

Could she tell him about the rape? It seemed impossible. She wasn't even ready to accept it herself. It was as if her brain couldn't process the thought that Brian would really do something like that. Sometimes she felt as if she were in a bad dream. That one day she would wake up and it would all be gone, because so much of the reality seemed impossible. And despite how many times Cragen would tell her that she wasn't, she surely felt a hell a lot like her mother.

She exhaled loudly. Didn't she deserve a break? Immediately after she thought this, she felt bad. Her baby hadn't done anything wrong. It just existed. Just like her. And if there was one thing that she had ever sworn in her life was that she would never throw on her kids the shit her mother had thrown at her.

_"It's never easy. Nothing is ever easy. I don't know why people ever think that things are. If things were easy what would be the point? Things have to be hard. How else would we know how strong we are? And the stronger we get, the better people we become"_

Olivia remembered Trevor's words. If this was true, she thought as she climbed the stairs of her building, she was about to become a very good person.

Two nights later, she found herself stuck in front of her bathroom's mirror.

She was starting to show, and she was petrified.

This was the beginning of the end. Her days were numbered. It would only be a matter of time before she wouldn't be able to hide it anymore- and then what? People were counting her to protect the city, how was she supposed to handle being pregnant when she was supposed to be tackling perps in the middle of the street? She had a plan once, but it had involved Elliot. They were a team. They worked together. He promised that he would be there with her every step of the way, but now that she was alone, this nightmare couldn't get any worse.

Olivia grimaced at the grand scheme of things. This scenario was all too familiar in her own family tree, and it just didn't make sense that it should be happening to her. Why, of all the things, did she have to follow in her mother's footsteps? Was she that unlucky? Or was it that phrase: We all turn out to be the ones we try so hard not to be?

Olivia exhaled sharply. It was obviously both. She drew her hands down from her face and sulked off, leaving her bathroom, flustered, frustrated, stressed, and annoyed. Noah was asleep. She had the house to herself. She could bitch out, if that's what she wanted, and because she was extremely hormonal- that's what she wanted.

She slumped on her couch, and just stared out the window. Some part of her was out there. Some part of her was out there in the city, running, successfully escaping this disaster, she just had to focus on that part and the rest would "Go away...go a-

Wait what?

The buzzer in her apartment went off again. She hopped up off the couch and crossed over to the speaker. She was hesitant. There weren't many people it could be at a eleven a clock at night. That's why people had to buzz in after a certain hour, it was strange having people come in and out of the apartment building without jurisdiction.

"Hello?"

"Hey it's me. Mind if I come up?" Olivia relaxed a bit, as soon as she heard his voice.

"Uh, yeah. I'll leave the door open." She buzzed him in. Tidied up as best she could, suddenly becoming aware of the environmental damage she'd done, due to the very chaotic nature of her thoughts. Cleaning had not been on her mind for some time. Noah's toys were practically trailing from one part of the apartment to the next. Olivia sighed. She was cleaning off the coffee table when Trevor walked in.

"I brought steaks," he announced

"I can smell them," Olivia mumbled in dismay. Raw onions. Ketchup. Mayo. She didn't know which was going to make her sick first, and Trevor was all but oblivious to her feelings as he spread everything out on the coffee table. He grabbed the remote and put the TV on, though being respectful enough to have it on mute.

"Are you hungry? I thought you might be so..." he pushed one her way, but Olivia kept her distance.

"No...I think I'm alright."

Olivia noticed his duffle bag in casually resting next to the door. Trevor was planning on staying the night. She glanced at him and instantly went red in the face. She hadn't been this nervous since Chris Mento asked her to the prom. She felt the bile threatening in the back of her throat but she didn't have the gut to spit it up.

No one knew that she was pregnant. No one that is- except Cragen, but he wasn't...I mean he wouldn't tell anyone. Even he knew how traumatizing it was to admit that the tiny life growing inside her wasn't created out of love. And that was the other part too. How was she supposed to tell him about the rape? Was she going to tell him?

Could she even trust him?

She certainly needed to find out.

"Trevor..." she croaked. She hand't mean to sound like she'd seen a ghost, but it felt like that was what happened. The whole thing was sort of supernatural...He turned to look at her, his face stuffed with greasy meat and bread.

"What?" he mumbled.

"I need to talk to you."

He gulped the food, and nodded. Giving her his full attention.

"A lot's been happening with us...," she started. Trevor looked at her, studying her carefully. "You've been such a great help with Noah and Brian...and no matter how many times," she choked up, "I say thank you, I never feel like it's enough."

Trevor smiled, feeling warm inside. He cared about Olivia, but it was something else to know that she cared about him too. She was letting him know that she thought about him, and that made him feel good. His plan was to take things slow, but that seemed worth it for a woman like Olivia. It meant something to see that she was so emotionally in tune with him. He hoped that whatever she said wouldn't push him away.

"You...have this way. You're so healing...and you take such good care of me and Noah that sometimes I wonder...I wonder if you're going to stay-

"I want to stay. I want to be with you. I just...I want you to have the time and space that you want, so that you can be apart of that decision too." Olivia nodded, despite the tears streaming down her face. She wished she still hated him the way she did before. That way her pregnancy really wouldn't have been any of his business, but she didn't hate Trevor. She'd grown to like him, and that had made all the difference.

Trevor saw he falling apart and he wondered if he said the wrong thing. "Liv? You and Noah mean everything to me. I won't leave you guys unless you want me to. I like it here with you. It's like having a family. Like were the three musketeers or something." Trevor tried to joke, and Olivia had smiled but it hadn't lasted.

"No, Trevor. We can't be the three musketeers."

Shooting him in the foot would have hurt less. "That's ok...I understand. We don't have to-

"I'm pregnant." The room went dead silent, and it made Olivia antsy. She got on her feet before sighing, "Don't be like that, I'm not asking for handouts, I just...thought you should know. With you being here all the time," Olivia gestured towards his bags,"You would have found out sooner or later and, I wanted to be honest with you from the beginning."

Trevor hadn't so much as breathed, before he realized he was being rude. He didn't mean to be, but she had thrown one curve ball after the other. First they were talking about their relationship, then she was talking about a baby, but he was still confused about the relationship and really confused about the baby. He had to say something"I-I'm really happy for you Liv-Olivia..."

Olivia swiped at her eyes, feeling ridiculous for having cried in front of him. "It's going to get crowded in here..." she said softly. Trevor frowned at Olivia's random choice of words, but then she said, "I only have room for one more."

Trevor knew what she was saying, but he didn't care. His mind was made already made up on her and already made up on them. "We're gonna need a bigger place."


End file.
